These are raw, unedited judgements I wrote down in sequence as I watched the show - Season 5 Episode 5:
How can we get Deena to stop "merp"ing? (My dog stops yelping if I give him cheese, so there's that)
Is Mayor Roger doing the "dip" on JWOWW again?
This was all of our faces when The Situation dropped the loyalty and betrayal tattoo bomb right?
I feel the sads when I see the gang at Karma this time around. I think it's because they didn't cut to a :05 shot of Sammi brawling on the floor.
Why is Snooki calling a hooker's bath a "Shore shower?" Oh, never mind.
You know what? I think we're all one of two things after the club: a Deena eating Hot Pockets or a Vinny doing Push Ups. Which on are you? I'm a Hot Pocket.
After four seasons of Ronnie and Sammi drama, I have Stockholm syndrome. So now I feel betrayed that they are glossing over these two - ON PURPOSE
Why is Snooki sleeping in her shoes?
What's the picture below, you ask? Oh, just Snooki being Snooki (AKA throwing away her drawers because she pee'd herself in the club the night before. AND THEN SHE SLEPT IN THEM ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEFORE THROWING THEM AWAY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
It's a little sad when Deena's only running story line is "hair problems"
Miikee? Mike? Miiiiiiiiiiiiike? What are you up to? What are you up to?
Ohhhhhhh, so "Janx" is "Jenkinson's?" Mystery solved.
Mike: "I'm actually like a native to this area." How far is Janx from the Shore? Is this like a Scooby Doo alternate universe to the gang?
Snooki has fully transformed into the family pet - piddling on the deck outside. Bad Snooki! bad!
Serious question: Why were the scrambling Situation's pubic area when he was wearing shorts?
Never mind, thank you JWOWW for solving the mystery. Follow up question - why were Snooki and Deena acting all normal while Mike's "situation" was hanging out of his shorts?
Hold up, wait a minute - what is this country cottage, shabby chic, Laura Ashley sitting area Mike and Snooki just landed in? Is this part of the Scooby Doo alternate universe at the house?
Why are all those sneakers always lined up in rows in the living room?
What the?
Ok, so Snooki ACTUALLY IS the family pet now - not just metaphorically speaking. Interesting. Did Kafka write this episode?
How excited is Mike to tell JWOWW he saw Mayor Roger? He loves being an information trafficker.
What was that weird gyrating dance Mike was doing at the end when he was talking to Unit? Hmmmmmmmm.
Wait, how is it that Mike loves Snooki and they're BFF and all of a sudden he says she's the ringleader against him? Oh, I think I know - MTV Production had a chat with him. I see what you did there MTV.
In conclusion, who saw Snooki and JWOWW on BravoAndy Cohen's Watch What Happens Live? Was JWOWW's face even more plasticized? It wasn't moving right or something. But I really want to like her - she's pretty, she just needs to stop messing with what she got, ya heard?
In the most recent episode of Jersey Shore, we see that accusations are flying left and right between Snooki and Situation.
He says they were "together" while she was with Jionni (her boyfriend). She VEHEMENTLY denies it all and says he's lying about everything. Neither is budging, and it's hard to decipher who is telling the truth. Each has a motive to lie:
Snooks loves her boyfriend and will lose a relationship if it comes out that she cheated
Situation has status to gain via a (fabricated or real) Snooki love storyline since her star status is head and shoulders above all the other Jersey Shore stars
So which is it? Who is lying? Well, there's a "tell" in the episode that swings the favor into Situation's court. So what's the tell? Believe it or not, it lies with the very person who was attempting to protect Snooki - JWOWW.
When Ronnie brings up the rumor, JWOWW's face reveals that she immediately recognizes the story as if she already has prior knowledge of an incident between Mike and Snooki. She then goes to tell Snooki and says something to the effect of (paraphrasing) "Mike told everyone what happened between the two of you" - MEANING SOMETHING DID HAPPEN. AND SNOOKI REACTED IMMEDIATELY - instead of saying "what happened between me and Mike?" she started flipping out right away. Innocents don't react like that, dontcha think?
Needs more Arvin!! Please tell me someone sent him on a cargo plane straight to Italy sometime in this mess of a season.
Ok, first things first. Who else feels like Situation is into Snooki because she's basically transformed into a LEGIT real life A list star? I don't think he would have ever been into her (except to use her for a night) in the past. But now, I think he sees a gravy train. How creepy was the scene when she was bickering with Super Mario Jionni on the phone and he was just STANDING THERE. Like a big creep. Just eavesdropping and reveling in the fact that they were arguing. READY TO POUNCE. Ew. SO SHADY.
The whole Deena/Pauly thing is kinda sad. Like - we've all been there when we're drunk from infatuation and refuse to see the SIGNS that HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Please tell me someone made a gif of the scene last week when they were "kissing" and Pauly had the saddest, most pained expression on his face. Poor guy had to pretend he was sleeping to escape her. P.S. Deena, we predict your tiger stripe tan lines will be the newest trend - kinda go with the tiger stripe hair....
So I was half right about Ronnie and Sammi hooking up by episode 2. They didn't exactly "hook up" yet, but all the seeds have been planted. Meanwhile, how HIGH SCHOOL MEAN is Ronnie - bragging about all the women he's bedded right in front of the poor girl. I mean, Ronnie, she "magically grew" tatas for you right before Italy. Why would you be so excited to BREAK SOMEONE who has that much love for you? Oy, this guy - I just don't get it.
The pizza job orientation scene was kinda lame. MTV, who are we kidding here? We're still going with this whole "job" thing? Is it really necessary? THIS ISN'T REAL WORLD SEASON 2. YOU DON'T HAVE TO MANUFACTURE CONFLICT. It's already there! They're from Jersey, drama is their food. They can't live without it.
Um, what else. I feel a little like deja vu watching this season. Lot of the same old horse tricks. Meh. Did I miss anything?
So, who's been watching the Snooki slash Situation media blitz? Like seriously - the show already has a gazillion viewers, why does the cast even need to be out promoting the show? Well, actually, I take that back - their interviews now consist of them hocking their OWN wares - yes I'm looking at you Snooki's slippers (and book and Sitch's tuxeods eyrooollllllll).
Oops, before I forget, here's our PSA of the day:
NEVER. GETS. OLD. So be careful guys, buckle up, don't drive drunk and all that good stuff. Because, you know, Ronni may pop up out of nowhere. And then unleash his wrath on your room an hour later. Eek, hope you don't wear glasses. Just sayin.
Anyhow, back to Snooki's media blitz (I mean cause who really cares about watching Situation on a talk show saying "You know.... I mean..... You know..... "a gazillion times), how much did we love seeing Super Mario Jionni back stage everywhere she went? Gotta say - all sarcasm aside - they're a really cute couple.
Okay, so enough of that. It's Jersday and we're all kinds of pumped up. According to our calculations (see predictions from last Thursday's post) it's about time for Sammi and Ronnie to be hooking up again, dontcha think?
P.S. I have a question - why are all the girls minus Sam now wearing those colored hair extensions in the under part of their hair? I mean, Christina Aguilera circa 2000 is making a come back now? Guess I better go buy some hurrrrrr.
- first of ollllllll - how are we feeling about these Stacker 2 - 6 hour power energy shots commercials with Deena and Sammi? Basically, you know some MTV Ad Sales exec sold the ad space and promised Sitch and Snooki to the Stacker 2 guys, and pulled the old bait and switch w/the bottom 2.
OK - Let's get the elephant in the room out of the way. WE'RE ALREADY PRETTY SURE SAMMI had breast implants (ALLEGEDLY) -we cracked that code back in February before they even left for Italy. See here. So why is she being all coy? Pretending like she hasn't had them when Nicole says they she should be getting implants together? And Sammi, don't think we didn't notice you asking the boobie pro JWOWW all those implant maintenance questions. Mmmmm hmmmmmmm.
Second of olllllllllll - WTF about Situation and Snooki? Sex?????????? But but, what about little Super Mario Brother Jionni? We love him. Memba this???
The lil ones were happy and snorkeling once upon a time.
Anyhoozles, we're gonna have to side with Ron and NOT BELIEVE SITCH'S LYING A$$. SERIOUSLY, DUB TEA EFF. And how creepy was Mike kissin on Snooks in the club? Where's Ronnie creepin' behind the plant when you need one? Oh Hai Ron....
Eww can we talk about the pigeons for a sec? No not Deena, (just kiddin' Deena girl, call me, we'll hang out at the Strip Mawl) actual pigeons - how much did that scene give me a flashback of being in Florence, San Marcos Square when they swooped down and stole my $60 snack right out of my little 7 year old paw. Trauma.
Oh yeah, what's the over under on when Sammi and Ronnie are gonna get back together? We say by episode 2 at the latest.
I ask you, how much longer must we wait for Jersey Shore to get started??? I mean, really - Real Housewives has managed to fill the void a little bit, but BARELY. I even resorted to watching MTV's The Challenge again last week (every season I tell myself it's the last one - dang you Kenny and Wes!!!!!) and if it wasn't for CT's adonis DNA, it would barely be worthy as background sound whilst I surf the InterWebs.
CT daydream break - Ahhhhh, those dreamy baby blues..... that Boston swagger....
Ugh that was so suburbs of me.
Anywhoozles, at least we had Snooki dancing with a plant to tie us over this week. I mean, if you think about it really, that was like the equivalent of an entire episode in and of itself. Amirite or amirite????
BTW, who DIDN't think Sammi and Ronnie were going to get back together THE SECOND they were in Italy? You should have your IQ checked.
Oh yeah, and then there's that whole Vinny leaving thing. Like we didn't know he was going to come back a week later with his tail between his legs.
Prediction: Reason Vinny left? Head got too big, attitude too douchey for even The Sitch to deal with.
P.S., while we're on the subject of The Situation. Mike, please tell your brother to stop Tweeting on your account like every 5 minutes promoting every product slap you got? So obvs. Easy bro.
Store this one in the "shaking my head" file. The - dare I say it - underwhelming Jersey Shore finale left me more confused than usual. Sure the story lines were all tied up in a pretty bow - JWOWW got her man, Vinny found his inner douche, Mike was the town gossip, Team Meatball was in full effect, and Sammi and Ronnie were "over" for good. But was it REAL?
The entire time I was watching it, I kept thinking everything seemed more "produced" than ever before. But something very specific was gnawing at me, I just couldn't put my finger on it.
UNTIL TODAY!
I woke up in a cold sweat, slapping my forehead. "Ah, yes" I screamed to myself. "The photos!!!!!"
A little background: one of the downfalls of being a successful reality show is the paparazzi attention. By the time Season 3 came around for Jersey Shore, the photogs and fans with camera phones were ever-present. Surely a thorn in the side of MTV. If you've ever seen the raw footage from fan cell phones on YouTube or TMZ type coverage of the kids on the Shore last summer, you saw in actuality that they had throngs of fans screaming their names everywhere they went. So you know the editors and sound guys did a lot of extra work to make it look like the JS cast were still normal kids having a typical Seaside experience.
Cut to sometime in September 2010 when I was perusing one of my favorite blogs, "A Socialite's Life." There were 40+ images (via WENN photo agency) featuring the cast bidding farewell to the shore house. KABLAMO - here's Exhibit A, B, C through Z to prove that Sammi and Ronnie did not leave the house in the way that MTV lead us to believe - a screenshot from ASL (visit the site to see the full gallery):
As you can see, Sammi and Ronnie were hugging and even kissing goodbye. They sure looked together, or at the very least on good terms to us. As we also told you (way before the gossip rags), they eventually had a more permanent "break-up" in January.
Here's my guess as to what happened. Given that Sammi and Ronnie broke up in January, the post-production team soon after cut a finale that showed a permanent break up to catch up with time. That way, the Reunion special would be more current. Mmmm Hmmmm, we see what you did there M(anipulation)TV.
The JS crew is in Los Angeles this weekend filming the Jersey Shore Season 3 Reunion, and sources allege that Mike is pretty much the outcast of the group.
Although Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is right up there with Snooki as the biggest Jersey Shore resident, his popularity with the roommates is an entirely different "situation." If you've watched any of the Jersey Shore Hook-Ups or After Shows lately, you've surely seen the roomies get more and more eye-rolley about him. Even in recent episodes, the Gang is beginning to piece together the fact that Mike has instigated nearly every house controversy.
We predict that Sorrentino will be hated on heavily throughout the Reunion (kind of like he was in the Season 1 Reunion, but worse). We're also betting that normally neutral DJ Pauly D may even get in on the action.
Jersday is heeeeeeyah. Creepy Ronnie behind the plant (kudos to the cameraman who couldn't have staged a better shot if he tried) invites you in....
We do a lot of prep on Jersdays before we can comfortably sit down on the couch and revel in the crazy shenanigans of our favorite Guidos and Guidettes:
We gotta get our hoop earrings on, so we can take them off all dramatic to signal "we about to throw down" when someone in our "viewing party" (AKA our dog) tries to talk (AKA bark) too loud during the episode.
We dust off our bunny slippers and throw them on, along with our hottest leopard print dress, which we've been wearing since Tuesday.
We gotta make sure we've watched all the current Jersey Shore Dailies. We study these tapes with the aplomb of a Fox News body language expert cause sometimes there are hidden signs of foreboding. We use this knowledge to back up the smug "we knew that was going to happen" look on our face to the envy, nay jealousy, of all our friends we're watching with (see #1 for a list of said friends).
And very soon (fingers crossed by next week) we'll be throwin' our Pajama Jeans into the Jersday Prep wardrobe rotation.
So anyway, here's your Jersey Shore roundup to catch you up on what the gang's been up to this week (in real life time):
Mike the situation (<-- tersely not capitalized, cause you know, it's Mike) is using Rosetta Stone to learn Italian before leaving to Italy for Season 4.
JWOWW is still doing the rounds for her "book" (AKA pamphlet) tour. Today, Access Hollywood Live put her on the spot about whether current beau Roger was "the one." Barf. P.S. if anyone reading this has actually bought and read her book, please send us an email (payattentiontoblog@gmail.com) so we can do an interview with you for the site.
Snooki hosted the MTV Grammy show and spent some QT Valentine's time with her man Jionni. Apparently, her ex, Emilio, did something obnoxious this week but we were too uninterested to look it up.
DJ Pauly D did some Grammy hosting too we think. He's just all over the place DJing and what not (we think, didn't really spend too much time on our Pauly research this week since it's always the same ol' with him DJing in Vegas, NY, NJ, Rhode Island, Canada etc... etc...)
Vinny is kind of getting grosser and grosser on his Twitter, in only what we can assume is a cry for attention.
Sammi is transmitting Twitter pic after pic of shots that showcase her (possibly newly purchased) breasts. Most recently one in a car on the way to the Bebe fashion show taken from a very convenient angle. They kind of scream desperation to the outside world, but we think she thinks they'll make Ronnie "eat his heart out."
Meanwhile, Ronnie's still hawking Xenadrine, and promoting some Playboy Radio interview in what we can only imagine is an attempt for Sammi to "eat her heart out." Oy these two.
P.S. the old news one, AKA Angelina, apparently got engaged this week. Yawn.
P.P.S. Stop creepin behind the plant like Ronnie and leave a comment!!!!!!!!!!! It's just one click below and you can do it anonymously! Or send us an email about what we should blog on next (payattentiontoblog@gmail.com).
P.P.P.S. For more Jersey Shore stories, click here
So there we were last night being our hyper-observant, multitasking, no life selves, watching Jersey Shore, the Jersey Shore Aftershow and reading the Twitter streams of the entire cast. No big right? But then, our plastic surgery synapses began firing smoethin' fierce and we had to do a couple double takes.
Let's start with JWOWW. JWOWW has obviously had plastic surgery on her breasts and she has been very upfront about it. But if you remember, recently we began questioning the integrity of her lips (see the very end of THIS post we did ), because it looked like she had a plumper pout during a recent media appearance.
Well, yesterday, on the Jersey Shore Aftershow, JWOWW and her lips walked out and our eyes popped out our heads. Did she get lip injections or some other lip work done? We're not saying she did, but.........
Check out the evidence:
Draw your own conclusions. (We see what you did there Jenni).
Ok, lets move on to Sammi. This one is a little more complex so pay attention PATsy Nation. Recently, a Jersey Shore daily clip was released with Sammi talking to Snooki about getting breast implants or a lift (P.S. she also dissed JWOWW's work in the process, mhmmm). Observe Exhibit A (which took place in the Summer of 2010):
Notice the "sporty" nature of her upper region.
Now, fast forward to yesterday when Sammi tweeted this picture of herself (AKA Exhibit B):
Hmm, she certainly looks healthier up top. Now we know that a serious bra can do wonders, but... they're pretty BIG no? What do you think? Did Sammi have work done???
UPDATE: Oh yeah, we forgot to mention, we know he's not a girl but we're starting to wonder if Pauly D has pec implants. No? Yes?
UPDATE (2/16): Sammi just tweeted this pic of herself. Um... interesting. We'd like to get your thoughts. We see what you did there Sammi (P.S. we know you took the pic Sammi, no matter how hard you tried to mask your left arm extending ever so slightly! We know those tricks... Um hmmm):
UPDATE 8/4/2011 - Click HERE for a post on our first impressions of Jersey Shore Season 4 Italy (including the mystery of Sammi's ta tas.
P.S. we know this is old and has Angelina in it.
It's vintage. We're keepin it.
Each Jersday is better than the last. Amirite or Amirite?
Here are some nuggets to chew on:
How much did we love Snooki's "analogy" between Sammi's bedframe not fitting through the doorway and Vinny's manhood not getting through her "pinhole?"
How much more did we love the fact that Vinny was caught off guard watching tonight's episode and Snooki's "analogy":
hee hee hee MEHHHHH
We tried hard not to laugh at JWOWW's assless chaps, but they were just... funny.
Raise your hand if you think Mike apologized only because he was afraid of Ronnie the pitbull kickin his hyena (meant to say hiney, but this seems more fitting)
If we had a set of The Situation Rosary Beads (no really, these exist), we'd be kissin' em thankin ay dios mio for Pauly D's comic relief. Homeboy is ready to grab the YellowPages, let his fingers do the talking and kick Sam and Ron out into another beach house.
Speaking of Pauly, is it just us, or does his "I'm really listening to you and taking this seriously" face (AKA when he was pullin' Sammi away from Ronnie or when Sammi was telling him she was leaving) look super-fake like he's about to crack up any second? Pauly, we ain't buyin what you're sellin (unless it's rosary beads... or DJ headphones.... or a blow dryer..... or sneaker cleaner)
Ron, why you gotta break her glasses? Hate her or not, girl needs to SEE. Moron you in a minute (unintentional wordplay, we're keepin it).
Oy vay we're feeling extra dramatic tonight so allow us to get all After School Special on your asses. Better yet, where's a good Blossom "Very Special Message" when you need one? We need Mayim Biyalik and Joey Lawrence to come on the screen to let us know about some Teen hotline we can call to erase the trauma AKA Sammi and Ronnie MeltdownGate. Seriously, tonight's Jersey Shore was the most intense of the season, maybe the entire series. Some parts were painful to watch, especially for anyone who has ever been in a toxic relationship. Although Sammi has been easily targeted as the villain for a long time, it's Ronnie who (in our opinion) deserves the lion's share of blame. We just don't get his rationale for the bad behavior, but he seems convinced his actions are justified. What are your thoughts????
Hold up, did PATsy just get serious on your keesters? Ew, feels weird. That's enough for the decade.
UhYeah, one more thing, we're sick of re-capping Sammi and Ronnie Twitters but basically he's still all about Single Ron and our poor little Sammi made a comment about how much it hurt her to watch the episode. Blerg.
So, have we mentioned how obsessed we are with Jersey Shore Dailies? Jersey Shore Dailies are basically mundane Jersey Shore scrap clips from the editing room floor that are barfed onto the web with some ads (that are nearly as long as the clips themselves) so MTV can squeeze every last ounce of blood from a stone. And guess what? We return each day like salivating Pavlovian dogs, pressing the refresh button in hopes for more treats.
Anyhoo, our persistence in culling these hidden treasures has finally paid off (if paying off means making no money, nobody caring and us getting fatter from inactivity). We've finally unearthed the diamond in the rough unlocking the mysteries of the Vinny/Ryder Hook Up (AKA VinDerGate 2010). Pauly D. provides much needed comic relief as Snooki and Vinny have an intense discussion that will leave nary a droy oye in da howse:
Did we learn anything new? Kind of. Snooki says Ryder will be visiting the Shore house in two weeks for her birthday (so our PREDICTION that Ryder will make another appearance this season is panning out quite well, but we selfishly digress) which leads to the long-awaited exchange. Here's what we've pieced together:
Sometime between Season 2 and Season 3, Vinny and Ryder hooked up IN SNOOKI'S HOUSE!
Vinny and Ryder were hooking up in Snooki's bed until Snooki walked in and saw "ass" and Ryder's "kuka" at which point they (VinDer) ran into the bathroom and wouldn't come out despite Snooki's questioning
At some point in the past, prior to VinDerGate 2010, Snooki hooked up with Vinny's cousin. We are not clear if this is the "making out" or "sex" kind of "hooking up" as these two definitions are interchangeable in Guido lexicon
At some point after VinDerGate 2010, Snooki, heartbroken, ran back into the arms of Vinny's cousin
Points #3 and #4 make up the foundation of The Great Vinny Defense of 2010: a loophole in the "sex with the best friend" betrayal by means of a contrived diversion. In TGVD2010, the perp plays up to the victim's ego by feigning sadness from an unrelated incident [which is unrelated because a) the first time was before Snooks and Vin hooked up b) the second was after he did it with her best friend and c) because Vinny really couldn't care less - you can see it in his sh1t-eating grin. Amirite or amirite?]. We see what you did there Vinny. Well played.
P.S. How crazy was the incessant fan-screaming from the Bennys on the streets? It's raw footage like this that pierces the veil between MTV fantasy and the zoolike reality AKA don't be fooled, these aren't just some normal kids in Seaside anymoah. But we do have a new-found respect for the MTV editors that have skillfully masked the issue with close ups and audio trickery. We see what you did there MTV.
So in our 1/6 post (Did Sam and Ron Just Break Up For the Millionth Time), we told you that JWOWW looked like she had her lips done, well - on tonight's Jersey Shore After Show, it appeared to be we may have been onto something there.
In our 1/13 post (Jersey Shore Fringe Characters, Where Are They Now), we predicted that Pauly's Israeli stalker would likely make an appearance this season, and that came true earlier this week in the bonus Monday 1/17 episode.
In that same post, we also predicted that Ryder would come by this season. That also looks promising given that in tonight's (1/20) episode, Snooki was shown talking to Ryder on the phone discussing a visit.
Wondering if Jay 420 and Joey Yanks will also be shown, as we predicted. We feel like that one may be on shaky ground given some of Jay 420's tweets about MTV not approving of his lifestyle. Hmmmmmm.
PATsy Nation is on point!
We're still recovering from this phenomenal night of TV - Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion, Watch What Happens Live, Jersey Shore AND Jersey Shore After Show. HEAVEN!
Ok - so JWOWW, Snooki, DJ Pauly D, The Situation, Sammi Sweetheart and Ronnie (oh yea, and I guess Angelina/Deena) have captured our black hearts and infiltrated American zeitgeist. But there's more to Jersey Shore than this beef jerky bunch.
A much broader cast of "characters" completes the Jersey Shore "world."
Oh boy, hold on, let me take another sip of pink chablis before my last shred of dignity is ... oh wait, nope nothing left there. So let's get to it.
Who is she?
Ryder is Snooki's "best friend." She has made appearances in Season 1 & 2 (so far) visiting Snooki. You can tell these two are REALLY friends (ahem Deena ahem) by their like mannerisms and inside jokes. When they're together, Snooki comes off looking like the "smart one" which speaks volumes. Together, they like to party, goof off, speak in their own distinct language (like all good Guidos/Guidettes do), finish each other's sentences and make JWOWW feel like an outcast.
Anything else we should know?
In Episode 1 Season 3, Snooki confronts her crush, Vinny (as they stew in the hot tub - awwwkward) about sleeping with Ryder two weeks earlier and the two have a weird moment. It seems as if Snooki may have even implied that the two had some booty sex, but it was hard to tell from all the bleeping. Also, in a bonus Jersey Shore Daily clip, after Snooki leaves the hot tub, Vinny tells JWOWW that Snooki hooked up with his cousin two weeks before he hooked up with Ryder, but this part of the story is not as well known (you know, since most people have lives and don't constantly refresh their browsers for new Jersey Shore Dailies).
What's she up to now?
Ryder is apparently feeling the heat from Snooki supporters. The morning after the episode aired, she tweeted "if only i had a dollar for the amount of times people called me a whore last night." The following day (1/8), she went on "@Ryder__ Loves that everyone is hating when they have no idea what they are talking about. @Sn00ki is my best friend and will always be."
Will she make an appearance this season?
Purely conjecture at this point but we think we'll be seeing more of Ryder this season. So there's that.
Who are they?
These guys are JWOWW's friends from Long Island. How do we know about them? During a fight between JWOWW and Angelina in Season 2 Miami, JWOWW accuses Angelina of talking behind her back between Seasons 1 and 2 only to have Angelina deny deny deny then ask "Says who?" It was at this moment that the most beatiful names in the history of reality television were uttered - Jay 420 and Joey Yanks- prompting millions of next-day water cooler conversations "Who are these fellas?"
Yeah so?
People were perplexed and intrigued by these elusive Guidos who never appeared on screen, yet had such an impact on the unfolding story. Thankfully, Tracie from Jezebel.com did some digging and got to the bottom of the Jay 420 mystery [AKA she stalked his life on Facebook and MySpace]. Tracie eventually got to meet Jay 420and did a hilarious on-camera interview with him.
Ok, now I'm interested, got anything else on them?
Oh yeah. Upon further digging we came upon a glorious little nugget: a YouTube video of these classy cats guys and bonus new guy Johnny Shine in Seaside Heights. The video was taken during the same time period as filming of Season 3 (in August 2010). In the video, the three gentlemen have just arrived in Seaside and are right next to the Shore house. They show the mayhem outside the shore house and describe the long "loyne" outside the T-shirt shop where the JS cast works. But, as Jay 420 put it, they didn't have to wait in the loyne since they're "VIP, Jenni came running out the store jumpin' on us." Then they play a FOR REAL boardwalk carnival game called "Shoot the Guido" where they have to shoot at a dummy made to look like Snooki on it. Heh. Bennies.
Why didn't you embed the video here (you idiot)?
Get off me. The reason is this - it's pretty disgusting and quickly devolves into lots of pooping (a segment they call "the Shit Shore") and snot and um, ew just gross. We kind of watched it 15 times and then shame showered. Can we just give you the link and not speak of this again? http://www.youtube.com/user/MrJohnnyshine#p/u/5/F5FHRmCJ8vM P.S. watch at your own risk and don't blame us when you hurl.
Will we see them in the show this season?
Outlook seems very good. In the video, the threesome proclaim they will be going out with the crew later in the evening. The clip then picks back up with the three hungover lads getting back in the car to leave the next morning. They had to have signed Non Disclosure Agreements so they obvs couldn't show/say anything else that would cross the MTV Gods.
What's going on with them today?
These days one can find Dr. Jay 420 on Twitter, riding JWOWW's coat tails and claiming he promotes "some of the hottest clubs in NYC." Interestingly, he also seems to be chummy with JWOWW's ex, Tom (who is currently embroiled in a lawsuit with Jenni AND trying to sell nude pics of her to the highest-bidding trashy publication.) Joey Yanks? Still Tbd.
Danielle the Israeli Stalker
Via Cocotona.com
Who is she?
The case of Danielle the Israeli stalker is a curious one. In the first season, we find her briefly dating Pauly - trying to convince him to go to the Holy Land, and then, as he puts it "stalk my life on the boardwalk." Danielle calls the house (via duck phone) about 11 times one night looking for Pauly after the infamous boardwalk incident. The next morning he tells her to buzz off.
Was that it?
In a bizarre twist, the two run into one another in the club that night and Pauly leaves with her, leading us to believe there was more to the story. So much for sticking to his guns. In the Jersey Shore Season 1 Reunion, Pauly reveals that Danielle later stalked his life in Rhode Island one night while he was DJ'ing in a club.
Got anything else on her?
Glad you asked. The plot thickens. There IS a whole other side to this story.
An (alleged) interview with Danielle on the site cocotona.com purports that MTV may have omitted some criticial plot elements. In the interview, she reveals:
We knew each other more than 2 days. They switch it all up... He [Pauly] was complimenting me on how pretty I was and telling me his last name would be mine and telling people I am his girl and all the crap in the would came out of his mouth. And that day on the boardwalk when I “stalked his whole life,” he came to my store and I wasn’t there. Then he saw me on the boardwalk and he gave me an Italian bracelet with my name on it. He labeled me and he said don’t say I never gave you something. So as a JOKE, I made that shirt in my store, labeling him and told him, don’t say I never gave you something... And at the end in the club, I wasn’t like there. I was with a group of people and me and him (Pauly) talk and he told me that he didn’t stop thinking of me and all that, that he liked me at the end after all the crap that he talked.
Does she say anything in the article about stalking Pauly's life in Rhode Island?
Yes. This is what Danielle reportedly said:
We got in an argument and I said some hurtful stuff to him and he got mad and I tried to apologize and all and I felt really bad. My two friends I was with said let’s go to Rhode Island to surprise him and say you’re sorry. As crazy as it is, we did drive there. He was DJing in a small lounge and it was practically empty and with an older crowd. I got there and he said he didn’t pay attention to me when I was there. There’s lie No. 2. He got out of the DJ place and he let his friend DJ, DJ Freezy. We went outside to talk and we talked about 30 minutes and he told me he didn’t want it to end and all that. We went inside and sat with my friends for like an hour or so and then we were saying goodbye to him and he grabbed me and kissed me over there and told me to come Sunday to see him for the week and we will hang out and all the usual crap that comes out of his mouth. I’m on my way to Seaside with my friends and he texts me, you shoulda stayed, I miss you, I wanna see you, did you get home?, up to like 5 o’clock in the morning and he texted me the day after and all so to make himself look good on TV again, he lied which I think he is getting really good at it.
Do we believe this article?
Seems plausible, but in another story about Danielle at JewishJournal.com the writer speaks to Danielle's (devastated) mom who says that the girl ran off to Israel after the Jersey Shore episode because she was so humiliated by her highly-edited portrayal.
What to believe? Who knows.
Will we see her again this season?
Apparently Danielle work(ed?) at a fashion shop on the boardwalk. There are some rumors swirling that Danielle will be back this season (fingers crossed) so we'll have to wait and see.
UPDATE 1/18: We were right!!! Danielle appeared in the 1/17/10 episode! Our forensics don't lie. You're welcome.
UPDATE 2/4: Danielle also appeared in a second episode in Season 3 which aired 2/3. A couple new developments from this episode added to our suspicions that there's more to the story than meets the eye (AKA Pauly D. reciprocated Danielle's feelings more than we were lead to believe): 1) Pauly invited Danielle back to the house after running into her at the club, and 2) Pauly still had the "I Love Isareli Girls" t-shirt Danielle gave to him. Somethin's fishy at the Showah.... We see what you did there Pauly...
Who is he?
Uncle Nino is Vinny's "old school Italian" uncle (on his mother's side). He came down with the rest of Vin's family to visit him in Miami.
Nino likes the ladies and quickly hopped in the jacuzzi with the housemates soon after arriving in Miami. Basically, he's the old guy at the club. He's also loud, boisterous and grunt/talks like his mouth is full of marbles. You can pick up on every third word he barfs out of his piehole and then sort of piece together the meaning of what he's trying to say.
What's he been up to?
People love characters and Uncle Nino is no exception. He has picked up quite the following since his Miami appearance. Vinny has featured him in some homemade videos. Nino even started a Twitter which has quickly grown to 15k plus. It even looks like he's picked up some representation - you can book this "Original Guido" (as he calls himself) for your next event. Milk it Nino, we ain't mad atcha.
Here's Uncle Nino at a club appearance:
He's also in a cheesy Staten Island used car buyer commercial. You can find that and other Uncle Nino vidoes on the same YouTube channel as the video above.
Think he'll be on Season 3?
This one is hardest to predict. On the one hand, MTV knows how to jump on growing popularity to exploit it for all it's worth. But, who knows if Season 3 (love/fight etc...) plot lines leave room for family stuff?
As we speak.... She's promoting some new book in a live UStream chat.. (don't judge me, I'm bored so I logged in. This is what inclement weather does to us). Back to the subject at hand. Yes, Lo Bosworth, fringe 3rd string character from The Hills has a book out. We see what you did there Lo.
Anyhoozles, she just got through a round of boring book-related AKA obvious publicist selected/planted quesitons. So obvs I tuned out.
I tuned back in at this point (slight paraphrasing in answers because as I typed what she said, my fingers tried to enact a civil war against my brain for putting them thorough this atrocity):
Do you still talk to people from Laguna Beach/Hills?
Yes I live with Lauren. Stephanie is one of my really close friends....
[Blah Blah Blah nothing good here]
Did you secretly think your friends on The Hills wore too much makeup?
On the show, I dont think so... we didn't have hair and makup teams on the show. We did it all ourselves. We were not as cute in older seasons. We'd watch the show and realize 'I need to wear...more makeup'. So no, I dont think they wear too much makeup. No.
[WOW, I can't believe I was still paying attention at this point]
What other projects are you working on? I have another potentional book in the works. I am actualy producing a new show that will be on TV this ear. I'll be on TV in a new way, not reality television
Oh lord Lo, if your TV show is even 1% as boring as this crapfest I just can't. I can't even.
Meh. Meh. Meh. What a let down. If you want to sell books, we need to hear about Audrina, Speidi, Lauren, your breakup etc. etc... . Girlfriend really need to take a page out of the Snooki manual. Snooks is giving 11 year olds Snooki makeovers, throwing cast mates under the bus etc. etc. And now her sh1t is sold out!!
Sorry that this post was so barfy boring by association. Let's cut the cord while we're ahead.
Okay, I have a question - is New Jersey a safe harbor for late 90s/early 2000s trends? Here's Snooki rocking her favorite RHINESTONE BEBE HAT.
This is not an illusion, she rocks that thing like it's - well I was gonna say 'going out of style' but um... yeah, that would have been true like in 2002. Gotta admire her gumption.
But seriously - all this BeBe, Ed hardy, acrylic nails business is real confusing. What in the time warp is going on over there?
Can somebody please explain this phenomenon to me?
