Thursday, February 17, 2011

Jersey Shore Dreams Into Reality: Featuring Deena and DJ Pauly D

Did you ever just sit there and think to yourself: "I really wish I could see Deena Nicole Cortese making clown-style balloon animals while sharing deep thoughts on relationships with DJ Pauly D?"

Well guess what?  That doesn't just have to be a dream anymore!  You've wished it into reality!!

For more on our Jersey Shore prep ritual and updates on what the gang's up to now, click here.

P.S. do you like it when the JS crew gets deep? Or do you prefer they stay shallow and crazy?  Leave a comment and let us know! It's just a click away and you can easily comment anonymously!

P.P.S. For more Jersey Shore stories, click here

So Long Uncle Leo...

RIP Len Lesser (Uncle Leo from Seinfeld)

It's JERSDAY!!!! - Our Prep Ritual PLUS Updates on the Jersey Shore Gang

Jersday is heeeeeeyah.  Creepy Ronnie behind the plant (kudos to the cameraman who couldn't have staged a better shot if he tried) invites you in....

We do a lot of prep on Jersdays before we can comfortably sit down on the couch and revel in the crazy shenanigans of our favorite Guidos and Guidettes:

  1. We gotta get our hoop earrings on, so we can take them off all dramatic to signal "we about to throw down" when someone in our "viewing party" (AKA our dog) tries to talk (AKA bark) too loud during the episode.
  2. We dust off our bunny slippers and throw them on, along with our hottest leopard print dress, which we've been wearing since Tuesday.
  3. We gotta make sure we've watched all the current Jersey Shore Dailies.  We study these tapes with the aplomb of a Fox News body language expert cause sometimes there are hidden signs of foreboding.  We use this knowledge to back up the smug "we knew that was going to happen" look on our face to the envy, nay jealousy, of all our friends we're watching with (see #1 for a list of said friends). 
  4. And very soon (fingers crossed by next week) we'll be throwin' our Pajama Jeans into the Jersday Prep wardrobe rotation.  
So anyway, here's your Jersey Shore roundup to catch you up on what the gang's been up to this week (in real life time):
  • Mike the situation (<-- tersely not capitalized, cause you know, it's Mike) is using Rosetta Stone to learn Italian before leaving to Italy for Season 4.
  • JWOWW is still doing the rounds for her "book" (AKA pamphlet) tour.  Today, Access Hollywood Live put her on the spot about whether current beau Roger was "the one."  Barf.  P.S. if anyone reading this has actually bought and read her book, please send us an email ( so we can do an interview with you for the site.
  • Snooki hosted the MTV Grammy show and spent some QT Valentine's time with her man Jionni.  Apparently, her ex, Emilio, did something obnoxious this week but we were too uninterested to look it up.
  • DJ Pauly D did some Grammy hosting too we think.  He's just all over the place DJing and what not (we think, didn't really spend too much time on our Pauly research this week since it's always the same ol' with him DJing in Vegas, NY, NJ, Rhode Island, Canada etc... etc...)
  • Vinny is kind of getting grosser and grosser on his Twitter, in only what we can assume is a cry for attention. 
  • Sammi is transmitting Twitter pic after pic of shots that showcase her (possibly newly purchased) breasts.  Most recently one in a car on the way to the Bebe fashion show taken from a very convenient angle. They kind of scream desperation to the outside world,  but we think she thinks they'll make Ronnie "eat his heart out."
  • Meanwhile, Ronnie's still hawking Xenadrine, and promoting some Playboy Radio interview in what we can only imagine is an attempt for Sammi to "eat her heart out."  Oy these two. 
P.S. the old news one, AKA Angelina, apparently got engaged this week.  Yawn.

P.P.S. Stop creepin behind the plant like Ronnie and leave a comment!!!!!!!!!!!  It's just one click below and you can do it anonymously! Or send us an email about what we should blog on next (

P.P.P.S. For more Jersey Shore stories, click here

Lo Bosworth Tries to Call "Out" Jonathan Taylor Thomas???

So we're sittin' there (in our "big" sweats, you know, until our pajama jeans get shipped), watching the boob tube (<---trying to bring that term back) switchin back and forth between The Daily Show and Chelsea Lately.   All of a suddles, on Chelsea, Lo Bosworth "accomplished author" (and host of past boring UStream Web chat) comes out to be interviewed and she starts singing the praises of her now single life.

Somehow, conversation turns to her crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas and she blurts out something to the effect of "but he's gay I heard" (not an exact quote because I don't have it on DVR so I couldn't rewind - but you get the point). She uttered these words followed by a bunch of giggles as if it's no big thing.

First off, we have no knowledge of JTT's sexual preference either way. But REGARDLESS, he is obviously not publicly out.  So we're gonna have to call you out Lo, that was uncool, and kind of a spoiled brat move.   Boo.

P.S. Did you see the episode? Leave a comment - are we being overly sensitive???

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Daily Dits - Brought to You By.....

  • Our DVR is on the fritz.  Desperate for TV, we scrounged the cable on demand bins and watched the first two episodes of the Joan & Melissa reality show.  Couple things ladies:
  1. You're telling us that we're supposed to believe Melissa and Joe Francis are "longtime friends?"  Yeah, the closeness between the two just blew us away.  In no way do we suspect that you share the same publicist (or manager etc.. etc...) and this was a contrived attempt to garner some cross-publicity for Joe's new T&A something or other while earning some street cred points for Melissa.  P.S. in no way do we think Joe Francis can earn one street cred points, but we think Melissa and Joan think so. 
  2. We've seen many a scripted reality shows in our day, but this... this thing.... makes The Hills look like an Academy Award winning documentary. (Seriously, we really wanted to like it, we love Joan after seeing her HBO documentary, but this thing is just a piece of crap that we can't polish). P.S. we'll still probably watch every episode.  
  3. The cliche Swedish nanny? Really?  We don't even have to write a joke for that one. Really??? (<-- read in "Really With Seth & Amy" voice)
  • We're debating whether we should "invest" in Real Housewives of Miami. @BravoAndy - you have a limited window of time to convince us. So far, the sneak peeks have been a little unda-well-ming. We already (halfheartedly) watch Basketball Wives ... soooooo we have a rule that we don't watch simultaneous reality shows set in the same city (New Jersey exempt, of course).  P.S. that's not really a rule so much as something we just made up to rationalize our lack of enthusiasm for RHOM. Anyhoo aren't like 50% of cheap reality shows produced in the bowels of the San Fernando Valley? (and more like 80% of VH1 reality shows).  We hope to be eating crow about RHOM soon because, well, we got a lot of time on our hands.   
  • Speaking of VH1 reality shows, we were soooooo loving the second season of You're Cut Off until, much to our dismay, Jenn Jowett (<---- PS we had no idea what her name was, so we Googled "You're Cut Off 2" Crazy Girl and voila!) was kicked off.  P.P.S. we just got sidetracked for a good half hour after Googling Jenn, reading up on all her misadventures like (allegedly) being pulled over for a DUI the day the show debuted.  Then we got caught up in her Twitter stream and man is she bitter about how everything went down.  We had fun reading her disses on Laura the Life Coach and her back and forth Tweet war w/Season 1 girls (namely, Gia Khay).  Our favorite Jenn quote on the S1/S2 rivalry (so far):"our potatoe scene might be more talked about than their season" [sauce: 2/2/2011 Twitter].
UPDATE: Holy mackerel!  We just ran across more info on Jenn (guilty: we're still Googling).  Two posts on the TheDirty website (see here and here) allege that Jenn used to be the mistress of Larry Rudolph, Britney Spears' manager. Yowza! (P.S. we are in NO way saying these allegations are true).
  • The Social Network trailer still gives us goose bumps.  Rashida Jones"(you) got twenty two hundred hits in two hours?"  Zuckerberg actor"Thousand, twenty two thousand"  Brrr!!!!! Chillsssssssssssssss. Don't know why we threw that in here, but the commercial just came on and if you can't tell already, we're just barfing out a nonsensical stream of consciousness soooooooo....
  • Our despotic dog just walked into the room, gave us a dirty look, and walked out.  Prompting us to run after him trying to win his affection back, but he just farted and rebuffed us.  He's cold as ice (except when we're eating Burger King, and we fall for the "fake" niceness every time, guess we know what we're having for dinner now).
  • Have we mentioned how obsessed we've become with the Charles In Charge sitcom from the 80s? Season 1 just dropped on Hulu and we're already 1/3 of the way through it. Only problem is we can't  get the dang theme song out of our heads: new boy in the neighborhood, he lives downstairs and it's understood, he's there just to take good care of me, like he's one of the familyyyyyyy. Charles in Charge of our days and our rights.  Charles in Charge of our wrongs and our rights and you'll see I want.. I want Charles in Charge of me.   <------ kind of pedo bear when you really analyze it now?  Anyway, the show pre-dates us so it's like a whole new discovery. Why don't they make sitcoms like this anymore? P.S.  dang Scott Baio was hot in his day.  Those Baywatch girls never had a chance. Too bad he turned out to be kinda scuzzy (basing this on his crappy VH1 reality show from a few years back, which we believe to be 100% true).  

Are Jacqueline Laurita and Daughter Ashley Holmes Feuding Again???

Anyone who watches Real Housewives of New Jersey know that Jacqueline Laurita and her daughter, Ashley, have a rocky relationship.  Anyone who follows Ashley on Twitter knows that she likes to speak her mind at the drop of a hat.

So.... this little Tweet just hit our timeline and we screencapped it before she wisens up to delete it:

Tell us more Ashley..... BRB, we're going to pop some popcorn...

UPDATE:  moments after the above Tweet, Ashley followed up to say "jk I love her."  Seems like she realized where her bread is buttered.  We see what you did there Ashley.

UPDATE2: AND... as we predicted, Ashely just deleted her original Tweet.  Man we're good.

August 2011 UPDATES - Check out related posts from August 2011 about Ashley and Jacqueline here and here

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion - Kinda Meh. No?

Source:  TwitPic, Plixi or YFrog via Twitter
So last night, we popped the popcorn, got on our "bigger" sweats (hey, it's winter) and settled into the couch to watch the promised "explosive" RHOA reunion.  As each minute passed, becoming more "meh" than the last, we tried to convince  ourselves to "stay pumped" and that something dramatic would happen real soon.

Ugh, such was not the case.

  • Yes Kim and Nene "had it out" but it wasn't anything we hadn't heard before. AND they looked like they were just going through the motions in their one major tete a tete (<-- is that how you spell that????), you know, for contractual reasons.   This time, it really seemed like it was all for the cameras.  But in all seriousness, how many of you think Nene's changed?  She's just mean all the time now - like last season's Jill Zarin in NY, no?
  • They kept trying to make us care about Cynthia the "runaway bride."  Listen, Cynthia is gorgeous for sure, but crazy eyes scare men away.  Period.  We have a feeling the running in her past wasn't done by her. 
  • Poor Kandi wasn't really even given a chance to talk. But there's promise she will have more of a part next week when she has it out with Kim over money for her songs.  
On the brighter side...
  • It was nice to see the "real" side of Phaedra.  Here level-headedness and "lawyered-up" vernacular convinced us that she is in fact a smart business woman and not the ridiculous caricature she portrays on the show.  Looks like she dropped the act in the reunion.  Not sure if that bodes well for her or not because if Nene or Kim leave, we need a new drama queen to step up and Phaedra is our only hope.
  • We liked Sheree's new hair AND Kandi's.  We're not sure why all the hate about Kandi's hair.  Derek J is a master and you WILL respect his work!
Some predictions:
  • We think Nene probably wants her own show.  We wouldn't be surprised if she's vying for it behind the scenes as we speak.
  • We think Kim will actually be the one to get her own show.  She not only can carry it in her own right, but she brings with her an interesting cast of characters.
P.S. are we leaving anything out??? Leave a comment!!!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Jersey Shore Girls: Did JWOWW and Sammi Get New Plastic Surgery?

A New Jersey Shore Investigative Report

So there we were last night being our hyper-observant, multitasking, no life selves, watching Jersey Shore, the Jersey Shore Aftershow and reading the Twitter streams of the entire cast.  No big right?  But then, our plastic surgery synapses began firing smoethin' fierce and we had to do a couple double takes.

Let's start with JWOWW.  JWOWW has obviously had plastic surgery on her breasts and she has been very upfront about it.  But if you remember, recently we began questioning the integrity of her lips (see the very end of THIS post we did ), because it looked like she had a plumper pout during a recent media appearance.

Well, yesterday, on the Jersey Shore Aftershow, JWOWW and her lips walked out and our eyes popped out our heads.  Did she get lip injections or some other lip work done?  We're not saying she did, but.........

Check out the evidence:

Draw your own conclusions.  (We see what you did there Jenni).

Ok, lets move on to Sammi.   This one is a little more complex so pay attention PATsy Nation.  Recently, a Jersey Shore daily clip was released with Sammi talking to Snooki about getting breast implants or a lift (P.S. she also dissed JWOWW's work in the process, mhmmm).  Observe Exhibit A (which took place in the Summer of 2010):

Notice the "sporty" nature of her upper region.

Now, fast forward to yesterday when Sammi tweeted this picture of herself (AKA Exhibit B):

Hmm, she certainly looks healthier up top.  Now we know that a serious bra can do wonders, but... they're pretty BIG no?  What do you think?  Did Sammi have work done???  

UPDATE: Oh yeah, we forgot to mention, we know he's not a girl but we're starting to wonder if Pauly D has pec implants.  No? Yes? 

UPDATE (2/16): Sammi just tweeted this pic of herself. Um... interesting.  We'd like to get your thoughts.  We see what you did there Sammi (P.S. we know you took the pic Sammi, no matter how hard you tried to mask your left arm extending ever so slightly! We know those tricks... Um hmmm):

UPDATE 8/4/2011 - Click HERE for a post on our first impressions of Jersey Shore Season 4 Italy (including the mystery of Sammi's ta tas. 

For more Jersey Shore stories, click here

2/10 Jersey Shore Episode Closing Thoughts PLUS A Very Special Message About Sammi and Ronnie

P.S. we know this is old and has Angelina in it.
It's vintage. We're keepin it.

Each Jersday is better than the last.  Amirite or Amirite?

Here are some nuggets to chew on:

  • How much did we love Snooki's "analogy" between Sammi's bedframe not fitting through the doorway and Vinny's manhood not getting through her "pinhole?"
  • How much more did we love the fact that Vinny was caught off guard watching tonight's episode and Snooki's "analogy":
hee hee hee MEHHHHH

  • We tried hard not to laugh at JWOWW's assless chaps, but they were just... funny.
  • Raise your hand if you think Mike apologized only because he was afraid of Ronnie the pitbull kickin his hyena (meant to say hiney, but this seems more fitting)
  • If we had a set of The Situation Rosary Beads (no really, these exist), we'd be kissin' em thankin ay dios mio for Pauly D's comic relief.  Homeboy is ready to grab the YellowPages, let his fingers do the talking and kick Sam and Ron out into another beach house. 
  • Speaking of Pauly, is it just us, or does his "I'm really listening to you and taking this seriously" face (AKA when he was pullin' Sammi away from Ronnie or when Sammi was telling him she was leaving) look super-fake like he's about to crack up any second? Pauly, we ain't buyin what you're sellin (unless it's rosary beads... or DJ headphones.... or a blow dryer..... or sneaker cleaner)
  • Ron, why you gotta break her glasses? Hate her or not, girl needs to SEE. Moron you in a minute (unintentional wordplay, we're keepin it).

Oy vay we're feeling extra dramatic tonight so allow us to get all After School Special on your asses.  Better yet, where's a good Blossom "Very Special Message" when you need one? We need Mayim Biyalik and Joey Lawrence to come on the screen to let us know about some Teen hotline we can call to erase the trauma AKA Sammi and Ronnie MeltdownGate. Seriously, tonight's Jersey Shore was the most intense of the season, maybe the entire series. Some parts were painful to watch, especially for anyone who has ever been in a toxic relationship. Although Sammi has been easily targeted as the villain for a long time, it's Ronnie who (in our opinion) deserves the lion's share of blame.  We just don't get his rationale for the bad behavior, but he seems convinced his actions are justified.  What are your thoughts????

Hold up, did PATsy just get serious on your keesters? Ew, feels weird.  That's enough for the decade.

UhYeah, one more thing, we're sick of re-capping Sammi and Ronnie Twitters but basically he's still all about Single Ron and our poor little Sammi made a comment about how much it hurt her to watch the episode. Blerg.

For more 411 (<---- did we seriously just say 411? Sorry, didn't realize it was 1998), check out our way too detailed post on the (final?) Ronnie and Sammi breakup that went down in January.

Also check out: Jersey Shore's Fringe Characters: Where Are They Now

For even more Jersey Shore stories, click here

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Jennifer Aniston Plays Second Fiddle to Tila Tequila on Internet Talk Show "Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis"

Never thought we'd utter those words, but ironic is the new black and Jennifer finally got the memo...

For those of you in the Dark Ages, Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis is a little ditty Mr. G. does on where he basically  demeans A-list celebrity guests with odd questions and insults.

In today's installment, Zach is absolutely infatuated with Tila, his first guest. The infatuation continues on  when he reluctantly brings out a second guest, Jennifer. There's no chair for her, she has to move a fern to sit down, and Zach pretty much ignores her the entire time.  The best part is watching Jennifer interact with Tila.

Kinda weird to see our worlds colliding (Jerry) - our dirty infatuation with reality TV mixed crashing into our pure love of Friends and rom-coms.  Think we need to take a shower.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Day's Dits - Hosted By a Cross-Eyed Wombat

Cause cross-eyed possums are so 2010.  
  • Joan Rivers is the new Betty White (we called it) (in our heads) (still counts). BTW, what ever happened to the promised Marla Gibbs resurgence? 
  • Hoda Kotb revels in Kristen Wiig's flawless impression... Kathie Lee, not so much
  • Elisabeth Hasselbeck calls Mr. Maher "Little Billy" -  attempt to demean falls flat. 
We got lazy, feel like crowdsourcing.  Send us more tidbits ("Dits") and we'll add 'em here. You'll be famous. Oh yea, we're also too lazy to find links to these bullets.  Deal with it, or do the work for us.....  Leave a comment on how much you hate our slovenly keesters today.  We're tired, going to take our 10th 15 minute "power nap" o' the day.  

P.S. our wombat drawing is primo supremo eh? We know, right??? Too bad we don't have the motivation to back up that kinda talent.  Coulda been a contendahhhhh.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

Can We Talk About Snooki Passing Out With JWoww's Dogs?

Are we in agreement this was the most entertaining part of this week's Jersey Shore?

Our elaborate, highly-skilled rendition of the incident
Runners up were:

  • Ron Ron's butt drama
  • The rise and fall of Snooki's infatuation with a poor unsuspecting guido
  • Pauly's t-shirt time with Danielle the Israeli "stalker"
Want more Jersey Shore dirt? Check out: What Happened With Vinny and Ryder?; Sammi and Ronnie Break-Up... Again and Jersey Shore's Fringe Characters - Where Are They Now?

And for even more Jersey Shore stories from our blog, click here