Daily Dits - Brought to You By.....

• Our DVR is on the fritz.  Desperate for TV, we scrounged the cable on demand bins and watched the first two episodes of the Joan & Melissa reality show.  Couple things ladies:

1. You're telling us that we're supposed to believe Melissa and Joe Francis are "longtime friends?"  Yeah, the closeness between the two just blew us away.  In no way do we suspect that you share the same publicist (or manager etc.. etc...) and this was a contrived attempt to garner some cross-publicity for Joe's new T&A something or other while earning some street cred points for Melissa.  P.S. in no way do we think Joe Francis can earn one street cred points, but we think Melissa and Joan think so. 
2. We've seen many a scripted reality shows in our day, but this... this thing.... makes The Hills look like an Academy Award winning documentary. (Seriously, we really wanted to like it, we love Joan after seeing her HBO documentary, but this thing is just a piece of crap that we can't polish). P.S. we'll still probably watch every episode.  
3. The cliche Swedish nanny? Really?  We don't even have to write a joke for that one. Really??? (<-- read in "Really With Seth & Amy" voice)

• We're debating whether we should "invest" in Real Housewives of Miami. @BravoAndy - you have a limited window of time to convince us. So far, the sneak peeks have been a little unda-well-ming. We already (halfheartedly) watch Basketball Wives ... soooooo we have a rule that we don't watch simultaneous reality shows set in the same city (New Jersey exempt, of course).  P.S. that's not really a rule so much as something we just made up to rationalize our lack of enthusiasm for RHOM. Anyhoo aren't like 50% of cheap reality shows produced in the bowels of the San Fernando Valley? (and more like 80% of VH1 reality shows).  We hope to be eating crow about RHOM soon because, well, we got a lot of time on our hands.   

• Speaking of VH1 reality shows, we were soooooo loving the second season of You're Cut Off until, much to our dismay, Jenn Jowett (<---- PS we had no idea what her name was, so we Googled "You're Cut Off 2" Crazy Girl and voila!) was kicked off.  P.P.S. we just got sidetracked for a good half hour after Googling Jenn, reading up on all her misadventures like (allegedly) being pulled over for a DUI the day the show debuted.  Then we got caught up in her Twitter stream and man is she bitter about how everything went down.  We had fun reading her disses on Laura the Life Coach and her back and forth Tweet war w/Season 1 girls (namely, Gia Khay).  Our favorite Jenn quote on the S1/S2 rivalry (so far):"our potatoe scene might be more talked about than their season" [sauce: 2/2/2011 Twitter].

UPDATE: Holy mackerel!  We just ran across more info on Jenn (guilty: we're still Googling).  Two posts on the TheDirty website (see here and here) allege that Jenn used to be the mistress of Larry Rudolph, Britney Spears' manager. Yowza! (P.S. we are in NO way saying these allegations are true).

• The Social Network trailer still gives us goose bumps.  Rashida Jones: "(you) got twenty two hundred hits in two hours?"  Zuckerberg actor: "Thousand, twenty two thousand"  Brrr!!!!! Chillsssssssssssssss. Don't know why we threw that in here, but the commercial just came on and if you can't tell already, we're just barfing out a nonsensical stream of consciousness soooooooo....

• Our despotic dog just walked into the room, gave us a dirty look, and walked out.  Prompting us to run after him trying to win his affection back, but he just farted and rebuffed us.  He's cold as ice (except when we're eating Burger King, and we fall for the "fake" niceness every time, guess we know what we're having for dinner now).

• Have we mentioned how obsessed we've become with the Charles In Charge sitcom from the 80s? Season 1 just dropped on Hulu and we're already 1/3 of the way through it. Only problem is we can't  get the dang theme song out of our heads: new boy in the neighborhood, he lives downstairs and it's understood, he's there just to take good care of me, like he's one of the familyyyyyyy. Charles in Charge of our days and our rights.  Charles in Charge of our wrongs and our rights and you'll see I want.. I want Charles in Charge of me.   <------ kind of pedo bear when you really analyze it now?  Anyway, the show pre-dates us so it's like a whole new discovery. Why don't they make sitcoms like this anymore? P.S.  dang Scott Baio was hot in his day.  Those Baywatch girls never had a chance. Too bad he turned out to be kinda scuzzy (basing this on his crappy VH1 reality show from a few years back, which we believe to be 100% true).  

What? Of The Day - Hollywood Age Differences You May Not Have Noticed

Everyone is all up in everyone else's business when it comes to cougars and cradle robbers.  But what about Hollywood pulling the old "age bait and switch" on us?

Actors and actresses regularly star in roles portraying characters in different age brackets than their "real" selves (and we're not talking about flashback or flash forward sequences).

Chew on this:

• Stockard Channing was 34 years old when she played 17/18 year-old Rizzo in Grease.  Jeff Conaway was 28 playing a 17/18 year old Kanecki 
• Ian Ziering and Gabrielle Carteris played 15/16 year olds on Beverly Hills 90210 when their real ages were 26 and 29 (respectively)
• Sara Gilbert played a 10 or 11 year old on Roseanne when she was really 13 (a big difference at such a young age)
• Alyson Hannigan and Jason Segel currently portray a couple that is the same age (they started college in 1996 so 32ish) on How I Met Your Mother, but in reality they have a 6 year age difference.  She is 37 and he is 31.
• Lisa Kudrow was almost 30 when she began playing Phoebe Buffay (a woman in her early 20s) on Friends
• On the Golden Girls, Estelle Getty was 69 when she starred as the 86 year old Sophia Petrillo
• Henry Winkler played 17 year old Arthur Fonzarelli on Happy Days when he was actually 29 in real life
• Tom Welling was 24 when he began playing 15 year old Superman on Smallville

Wake Up Ass-Facebook: Changing Your Profile Picture Does Not Stop Child Abuse

Since we're already on the subject of assFacebook, I got another bone to pick.

I abhor child abuse just as much as any sane person - but I'm sorry, how exactly is changing your profile picture to your favorite childhood character going to do a damn thing? 

Can somebody please explain this fuckery to me?  It's the ultimate in frivolous displays of philanthropy. 

Like, gee I wouldn't really get off my keester to help this cause in a meaningful way, but I guess that changing my profile pic is easy enough. Plus I used to LOVE cartoons when I was little. I am gonna have so much fun on Google images right now!! AND it's all for a good cause so I feel much better.   Thanks to my five minutes of clicking, so many children will be spared from abuse!!!!!!!!

You are welcome future generations!!

I wanna be the Snorks HA HA HA,

I'm so clever I bet everyone forgot about them.....





I wanna be Fraggle Rock LSHMSFO
(for the uninitiated:  laughing so hard my sombrero fell off)



 



Ohhhh, I wanna be Strawberry Shortcake, remember scratch n'sniff stickers?  I used to have one of her it was soooooooo good!!!! What were we talking about????



Read more from Pay Attention To, check out our "Week in Review" for all the hot posts from this week.   

12/1 - Some Things You Should Know

Here at Pay Attention To, or "PAT" (ambiguously sexy), we like to play around with new features, some turn into regulars and others we abandon like the hidden cupcake wrappers at the bottom of the trash screaming our shame.

Here's our first STYSK - a segment that tells you everything you need to know about the day - without having to do the rifling through the dirty interwebs yourselves:

• Bling Ring cog and former E! reality person (I can't say "star," sorry I just can't) Alexis Neiers has been arrested for alleged black tar heroin possession (see full story at LATimes)
• Chelsea Handler was on Jay Leno last night and had fun perpetuating unprompted f*ckery about herself and a certain half dollar rapper (see full episode at Hulu for limted time)
• Senate passed a new Food Safety Bill so that our bagged spinach doesn't try to kill us anymore (see full story at FitPerez yeah I coulda sourced some realer sh1t, but maybe this -sic- could actually make people care about their health) but what about all the nasty hormones and pesticides? I guess they can stay.
• Britney Spears' ex-husband Jason Alexander alleges (to Star Magazine, a periodical my mother purchases strictly for the crosswords - she swears) that Britney Spears told him her boyfriend beats her. The full story is at RadarOnline.
• I don't really know the full details about this mess because I refuse to read past the sub-head,  but something about Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband trying to expose some tape of her showing her privates in Cuba?  Man exes getting all types of bold today. Full story at RadarOnline.
• Senate Republicans tell the President they're taking their ball and going home if the Bush tax cuts don't stay (see story at Gawker).
• Google is close to launching an ebook store, adding to the growing list of behemoths (a la Amazon and Apple) getting in on the book game.  Do these people think Americans actually read? Read more via Consumerist.
• A bunch of self importants are going social media silent in the name of a good cause (World AIDS Day).  How much for them to never log on again?  See PSA on YouTube.
• Remember those ugly Teva sandals from the 90s? Remember how you wanted to scream in the faces of the dorks who wore them with socks? Well they're back. WITH HEELS. WTF WTF life as we know it is crumbling faster than you can say "curse of the Reefs and Birkenstocks, a new monster is born, it's multiplying, RUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN." More at the Daily What.

Here's a bonus, "Daily Throwback."  Remember when Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck had it out on The View in 07? (AKA the sh1t I live for) well I just spent all morning on YouTube rewatching Alicia Silverstone snub Elisabeth later on in that episode. Never gets old.

Just What We Need - A Self-Aware Spider

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife (too played out? I'm keeping it), it is officially the beginning of the end of the world.  Global warming, bedbugs, wars, swine flu etc etc and now a new feature to add to the foreshadowing of the apocalypse:

A self-aware spider.



This fool knows too much.  He (or she) has a presence, a personality.  Maybe he's just getting ready for his debut when the arachnids rule the world.

Brb, Googling "how to build a bomb shelter."

The View: the Cold War Continues (AKA More Passive Aggressive Feuding With Barbara)

I am a religious "viewer" of The View -  it's like the highlight of my day.  Not because I particularly like any of the ladies, (though I do agree with one or two of them on the reg).  The main reason I love the show is because you never know when baby Jesus will descend from the heavens and hand over a certified loonza toonza miracle moment.  Now it used to be that these moments happened maybe once a month.  But these days, it's like once, sometimes twice a week.  Basically whenever Barbara decides to show up.  

Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with today's gem.

 

(For the impatient, skip to :28). In a shell nut, Barbara and Whoopi go at it as Whoopi tries to obey production instructions (via ear chip) to cut to break.  Barbara snaps at Whoop that she wants to finish her thought.  Now, you can't tell what happens next but it appear that Whoopi may have rolled her eyes at Barbara before telling her she needs to cut to break.  Then Barbara (don't let the victim act fool you!!!!),  passive aggressively chastises Whoopi and proceeds with her part.

I'm so sad because the clip doesn't show the last few seconds.  Because that's when the lord baby Jesus plucked a cherry and stuck it on top for me to gorge upon.  Elisabeth (mind you, who has been uncharacteristically quiet the entire episode - I presume because of my theory *see #3 below*) subtly speaks to Whoopi with her eyes.  It's not immediately apparent to the untrained rookie (good thing you have the benefit of my intuitive guidance) but they have a "damn, this bitch is crazy" moment among themseleves.  I live for this shit - don't we all? No? Just me? Be right back, I'm being summoned for my intervention.

Some background for people who actually don't watch The View (do they still make you??):

1. Barbara Walters' overbearing ways, crotchity attitude and condescending behavior have reached all new highs (in fact, the show is much easier/less tense to watch on days Barbara isn't there and you can tell all the other ladies feel the same way). 
2. Everyday it becomse more clear that Whoopi does not like Barbara. She used to keep her cool - but she grew a pair lately and has been lashing out in small but deliberate acts (that she'll usually back-pedal on a minute later).  
3. Though nobody likes Elisabeth (okay well I don't) Barbara condescends her more often than anyone else.  To the watchful eye, it seems apparent that Elisabeth has had a recent "talking to" because she has toned down her "steamrolling others" and Beck/Palin/Fox mumbo jumbo.

By the way, this is what my face looked like when this shit was going down:

Some Stuff Happened Today, More Will Happen Tomorrow

Our serious anchor, Kibbles McVictuals reports

1. World: Devastating earthquake, tsunami and volcano hit Indonesia http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/27/world/asia/27indo.html yet cable news has chosen to spend majority of day covering election punditry.
2. Entertainment: Actress Carey  Mulligan lives at the Best Western http://blog.seattlepi.com/people/archives/226209.asp. Oh, and there's this too... http://www.thewrap.com/television/column-post/charlie-sheen-found-naked-intoxicated-plaza-hotel-nyc-21975
3. Science: A shit ton of new species discovered in Amazon http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20101026/ts_afp/unenvironmentbiodiversityamazonwwf_20101026105020
4. Politics: Woman beaten by Rand Paul supperters http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20020717-503544.html outside debate and racist political ad in Nevada http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIkNAA2y4I4
5. Tech: Limewire ordered to stop http://www.computerworld.com/s/article/9193199/Court_orders_LimeWire_to_cease_file_sharing_business?taxonomyId=17 

This Post - It Pleases the Chosen One

Some Thoughts of the Day

1. I don't blame Obama.  I blame the system.  Nothing will work right now no matter who is in power. 
2. I am an outcast today because I am not a fan of any sports.  But I am a fan of people. Good thing I have Bravo TV.
3. I want to visit New Jersey.  This fascinating place is drawing me in.  I have a feeling I may be disappointed.
4. Wonder if there are other people out there who just want to marry a friend for insurance/tax breaks and companionship - nothing else. Not the worst idea.
5. RIP to all those we lost in the last week.  Not just the famous people.
6. I'm eating gluten free and feeling better. But I'm in a slump. Would love some ideas.