Saturday, January 22, 2011

Jersey Shore: What Happened With Vinny and Ryder? Snooki Explains

Vinooki invites you in...
Source: Snooki's Twitter photos via Plixi
So, have we mentioned how obsessed we are with Jersey Shore Dailies?   Jersey Shore Dailies are basically mundane Jersey Shore scrap clips from the editing room floor that are barfed onto the web with some ads (that are nearly as long as the clips themselves) so MTV can squeeze every last ounce of blood from a stone. And guess what? We return each day like salivating Pavlovian dogs, pressing the refresh button in hopes for more treats.

Anyhoo, our persistence in culling these hidden treasures has finally paid off (if paying off means making no money, nobody caring and us getting fatter from inactivity).  We've finally unearthed the diamond in the rough unlocking the mysteries of the Vinny/Ryder Hook Up (AKA VinDerGate 2010).  Pauly D. provides much needed comic relief as Snooki and Vinny have an intense discussion that will leave nary a droy oye in da howse:

Did we learn anything new? Kind of.  Snooki says Ryder will be visiting the Shore house in two weeks for her birthday (so our PREDICTION that Ryder will make another appearance this season is panning out quite well, but we selfishly digress) which leads to the long-awaited exchange.  Here's what we've pieced together:
  1. Sometime between Season 2 and Season 3, Vinny and Ryder hooked up IN SNOOKI'S HOUSE!
  2. Vinny and Ryder were hooking up in Snooki's bed until Snooki walked in and saw "ass" and Ryder's "kuka" at which point they (VinDer) ran into the bathroom and wouldn't come out despite Snooki's questioning
  3. At some point in the past, prior to VinDerGate 2010, Snooki hooked up with Vinny's cousin. We are not clear if this is the "making out" or "sex" kind of "hooking up" as these two definitions are interchangeable in Guido lexicon
  4. At some point after VinDerGate 2010, Snooki, heartbroken, ran back into the arms of Vinny's cousin  
  5. Points #3 and #4 make up the foundation of The Great Vinny Defense of 2010:  a loophole in the "sex with the best friend" betrayal by means of a contrived diversion.  In TGVD2010, the perp plays up to the victim's ego by feigning sadness from an unrelated incident [which is unrelated because a) the first time was before Snooks and Vin hooked up b) the second was after he did it with her best friend and c) because Vinny really couldn't care less - you can see it in his sh1t-eating grin. Amirite or amirite?].  We see what you did there Vinny. Well played. 
P.S.  How crazy was the incessant fan-screaming from the Bennys on the streets?   It's raw footage like this that pierces the veil between MTV fantasy and the zoolike reality AKA don't be fooled, these aren't just some normal kids in Seaside anymoah.   But we do have a new-found respect for the MTV editors that have skillfully masked the issue with close ups and audio trickery.  We see what you did there MTV.


  1. Anonymous3:15 AM

    :( I feel bad for Snooki... I agree that Vinny couldn't care less, I could see from the episode. he's a dirtbag... Why do he and the JS guys try to have sex with nearly every woman they meet? Messed up!
    I live in Canada so I can't see the video but thanks for the recap

  2. Anonymous12:18 PM

    What kind of friend is Ryder to do that to Snooki??