Watching Lo Bosworth's UStream - Boooooooooring

As we speak.... She's promoting some new book in a live UStream chat.. (don't judge me, I'm bored so I logged in.  This is what inclement weather does to us).  Back to the subject at hand.  Yes, Lo Bosworth, fringe 3rd string character from The Hills has a book out.  We see what you did there Lo.
Anyhoozles, she just got through a round of boring book-related AKA obvious publicist selected/planted quesitons.  So obvs I tuned out. 

I tuned back in at this point (slight paraphrasing in answers because as I typed what she said, my fingers tried to enact a civil war against my brain for putting them thorough this atrocity):

Do you still talk to people from Laguna Beach/Hills?

Yes I live with Lauren.  Stephanie is one of my really close friends....  

[Blah Blah Blah nothing good here]

Did you secretly think your friends on The Hills wore too much makeup?

On the show, I dont think so... we didn't have hair and makup teams on the show. We did it all ourselves.  We were not as cute in older seasons. We'd watch the show and realize 'I need to wear...more makeup'. So no, I dont think they wear too much makeup. No.

[WOW, I can't believe I was still paying attention at this point]

What other projects are you working on?
I have another potentional book in the works.  I am actualy producing a new show that will be on TV this ear.  I'll be on TV in a new way, not reality television

Oh lord Lo, if your TV show is even 1% as boring as this crapfest I just can't. I can't even.

Meh. Meh. Meh. What a let down. If you want to sell books, we need to hear about Audrina, Speidi, Lauren, your breakup etc. etc... . Girlfriend really need to take a page out of the Snooki manual.  Snooks is giving 11 year olds Snooki makeovers, throwing cast mates under the bus etc. etc.  And now her sh1t is sold out!!

Sorry that this post was so barfy boring by association.  Let's cut the cord while we're ahead.

And scene. 

12/1 - Some Things You Should Know

Here at Pay Attention To, or "PAT" (ambiguously sexy), we like to play around with new features, some turn into regulars and others we abandon like the hidden cupcake wrappers at the bottom of the trash screaming our shame.

Here's our first STYSK - a segment that tells you everything you need to know about the day - without having to do the rifling through the dirty interwebs yourselves:

• Bling Ring cog and former E! reality person (I can't say "star," sorry I just can't) Alexis Neiers has been arrested for alleged black tar heroin possession (see full story at LATimes)
• Chelsea Handler was on Jay Leno last night and had fun perpetuating unprompted f*ckery about herself and a certain half dollar rapper (see full episode at Hulu for limted time)
• Senate passed a new Food Safety Bill so that our bagged spinach doesn't try to kill us anymore (see full story at FitPerez yeah I coulda sourced some realer sh1t, but maybe this -sic- could actually make people care about their health) but what about all the nasty hormones and pesticides? I guess they can stay.
• Britney Spears' ex-husband Jason Alexander alleges (to Star Magazine, a periodical my mother purchases strictly for the crosswords - she swears) that Britney Spears told him her boyfriend beats her. The full story is at RadarOnline.
• I don't really know the full details about this mess because I refuse to read past the sub-head,  but something about Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband trying to expose some tape of her showing her privates in Cuba?  Man exes getting all types of bold today. Full story at RadarOnline.
• Senate Republicans tell the President they're taking their ball and going home if the Bush tax cuts don't stay (see story at Gawker).
• Google is close to launching an ebook store, adding to the growing list of behemoths (a la Amazon and Apple) getting in on the book game.  Do these people think Americans actually read? Read more via Consumerist.
• A bunch of self importants are going social media silent in the name of a good cause (World AIDS Day).  How much for them to never log on again?  See PSA on YouTube.
• Remember those ugly Teva sandals from the 90s? Remember how you wanted to scream in the faces of the dorks who wore them with socks? Well they're back. WITH HEELS. WTF WTF life as we know it is crumbling faster than you can say "curse of the Reefs and Birkenstocks, a new monster is born, it's multiplying, RUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN." More at the Daily What.

Here's a bonus, "Daily Throwback."  Remember when Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck had it out on The View in 07? (AKA the sh1t I live for) well I just spent all morning on YouTube rewatching Alicia Silverstone snub Elisabeth later on in that episode. Never gets old.

Just What We Need - A Self-Aware Spider

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife (too played out? I'm keeping it), it is officially the beginning of the end of the world.  Global warming, bedbugs, wars, swine flu etc etc and now a new feature to add to the foreshadowing of the apocalypse:

A self-aware spider.



This fool knows too much.  He (or she) has a presence, a personality.  Maybe he's just getting ready for his debut when the arachnids rule the world.

Brb, Googling "how to build a bomb shelter."

Week In Review

• Ladies of "The View" - The Cold War Continues Is it just me or does someting gotta give here?  My prediction is that sometime in 2011 either Whoopi will leave or Barbara will retire. 
• Ashton Kutcher Punks TMZ Staffers We cared for like a second, 'till we realized it was a glorified PopChips commercial. 
• Top Five Cee-Lo Green "Forget You" (F*ck You) Covers I did all the hard work researching YouTube just for you. Here's the best of the best.
• British Men Cook Naked Stuff splatters dudes.  And be careful with the flambe!!!
• Sockington: Twitter's Garfield Universal truths: 1) animals behaving like humans is never not funny 2) Married With Children is always on TV (#2 has nothing to do with the post, but amirite???? it's 5:50 in the morning, I flipped on the TV to test my theory AND IT'S ON RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!)
• Funny Sign I think I'm turning into an ironic hipster
• Pretentious has no age limits smug children are on the rise and there is no known cure. Well, there is one known cure: a reasonable rational society. <laughs> so really, no cure.

Remember: When Life Gives You DoucheBags, Clean Your Junk

The View: the Cold War Continues (AKA More Passive Aggressive Feuding With Barbara)

I am a religious "viewer" of The View -  it's like the highlight of my day.  Not because I particularly like any of the ladies, (though I do agree with one or two of them on the reg).  The main reason I love the show is because you never know when baby Jesus will descend from the heavens and hand over a certified loonza toonza miracle moment.  Now it used to be that these moments happened maybe once a month.  But these days, it's like once, sometimes twice a week.  Basically whenever Barbara decides to show up.  

Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with today's gem.

 

(For the impatient, skip to :28). In a shell nut, Barbara and Whoopi go at it as Whoopi tries to obey production instructions (via ear chip) to cut to break.  Barbara snaps at Whoop that she wants to finish her thought.  Now, you can't tell what happens next but it appear that Whoopi may have rolled her eyes at Barbara before telling her she needs to cut to break.  Then Barbara (don't let the victim act fool you!!!!),  passive aggressively chastises Whoopi and proceeds with her part.

I'm so sad because the clip doesn't show the last few seconds.  Because that's when the lord baby Jesus plucked a cherry and stuck it on top for me to gorge upon.  Elisabeth (mind you, who has been uncharacteristically quiet the entire episode - I presume because of my theory *see #3 below*) subtly speaks to Whoopi with her eyes.  It's not immediately apparent to the untrained rookie (good thing you have the benefit of my intuitive guidance) but they have a "damn, this bitch is crazy" moment among themseleves.  I live for this shit - don't we all? No? Just me? Be right back, I'm being summoned for my intervention.

Some background for people who actually don't watch The View (do they still make you??):

1. Barbara Walters' overbearing ways, crotchity attitude and condescending behavior have reached all new highs (in fact, the show is much easier/less tense to watch on days Barbara isn't there and you can tell all the other ladies feel the same way). 
2. Everyday it becomse more clear that Whoopi does not like Barbara. She used to keep her cool - but she grew a pair lately and has been lashing out in small but deliberate acts (that she'll usually back-pedal on a minute later).  
3. Though nobody likes Elisabeth (okay well I don't) Barbara condescends her more often than anyone else.  To the watchful eye, it seems apparent that Elisabeth has had a recent "talking to" because she has toned down her "steamrolling others" and Beck/Palin/Fox mumbo jumbo.

By the way, this is what my face looked like when this shit was going down:

jUST wATCH

I don't want to say my thoughts about this child out loud.



UPDATE: she was normal a year ago http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYRicWyZMdw&NR=1, what happened?  Industry?

Conversation Rapists

Conversation rapists are running amok in our society.   At the grocery store, on my flight, at the office, at the stop light just dying to chat with the closest thing.

Listen, I got my own pile of nothing going on, I can't invest in yours. 

Helpful Hint: you can sense a serial CR a mile away, they emit a certain vibe. Never, ever ever EVER look one directly in the eye.  Ever.