Jersey Shore Season 4 ITALY - First Show - IMPRESSIONS

- first of ollllllll - how are we feeling about these Stacker 2 - 6 hour power energy shots commercials with Deena and Sammi? Basically, you know some MTV Ad Sales exec sold the ad space and promised Sitch and Snooki to the Stacker 2 guys, and pulled the old bait and switch w/the bottom 2.

OK - Let's get the elephant in the room out of the way.  WE'RE ALREADY PRETTY SURE  SAMMI had breast implants (ALLEGEDLY) -we cracked that code back in February before they even left for Italy.  See here.  So why is she being all coy? Pretending like she hasn't had them when Nicole says they she should be getting implants together?  And Sammi, don't think we didn't notice you asking the boobie pro JWOWW all those implant maintenance questions.  Mmmmm hmmmmmmm.

Second of olllllllllll - WTF about Situation and Snooki?  Sex?????????? But but, what about little Super Mario Brother Jionni? We love him. Memba this???

The lil ones were happy and snorkeling once upon a time.
Anyhoozles, we're gonna have to side with Ron and NOT BELIEVE SITCH'S LYING A$$.   SERIOUSLY, DUB TEA EFF.  And how creepy was Mike kissin on Snooks in the club?   Where's Ronnie creepin' behind the plant when you need one?  Oh Hai Ron....

Eww can we talk about the pigeons for a sec?  No not Deena, (just kiddin' Deena girl, call me, we'll hang out at the Strip Mawl) actual pigeons - how much did that scene give me a flashback of being in Florence, San Marcos Square  when they swooped down and stole my $60 snack right out of my little 7 year old paw.  Trauma.

Oh yeah, what's the over under on when Sammi and Ronnie are gonna get back together?  We say by episode 2 at the latest.

Whadya you guys all think??????????

Um, Hi, Is It Possible To Wait ANY Longer For Jersey Shore?

Friends, Foes, Insignificants:

I ask you, how much longer must we wait for Jersey Shore to get started???  I mean, really - Real Housewives has managed to fill the void a little bit, but BARELY.  I even resorted to watching MTV's The Challenge again last week (every season I tell myself it's the last one - dang you Kenny and Wes!!!!!) and if it wasn't for CT's adonis DNA, it would barely be worthy as background sound whilst I surf the InterWebs.

CT  daydream break - Ahhhhh, those dreamy baby blues..... that Boston swagger....

Ugh that was so suburbs of me.

Anywhoozles,  at least we had Snooki dancing with a plant to tie us over this week.  I mean, if you think about it really, that was like the equivalent of an entire episode in and of itself.  Amirite or amirite????

BTW, who DIDN't think Sammi and Ronnie were going to get back together THE SECOND they were in Italy?  You should have your IQ checked.

Oh yeah, and then there's that whole Vinny leaving thing.  Like we didn't know he was going to come back a week later with his tail between his legs.

Prediction: Reason Vinny left?  Head got too big, attitude too douchey for even The Sitch to deal with.

P.S., while we're on the subject of The Situation.  Mike, please tell your brother to stop Tweeting on your account like every 5 minutes promoting every product slap you got?  So obvs.  Easy bro.

2/10 Jersey Shore Episode Closing Thoughts PLUS A Very Special Message About Sammi and Ronnie

P.S. we know this is old and has Angelina in it.
It's vintage. We're keepin it.

Each Jersday is better than the last.  Amirite or Amirite?

Here are some nuggets to chew on:

• How much did we love Snooki's "analogy" between Sammi's bedframe not fitting through the doorway and Vinny's manhood not getting through her "pinhole?"
• How much more did we love the fact that Vinny was caught off guard watching tonight's episode and Snooki's "analogy":

hee hee hee MEHHHHH

• We tried hard not to laugh at JWOWW's assless chaps, but they were just... funny.
• Raise your hand if you think Mike apologized only because he was afraid of Ronnie the pitbull kickin his hyena (meant to say hiney, but this seems more fitting)
• If we had a set of The Situation Rosary Beads (no really, these exist), we'd be kissin' em thankin ay dios mio for Pauly D's comic relief.  Homeboy is ready to grab the YellowPages, let his fingers do the talking and kick Sam and Ron out into another beach house. 
• Speaking of Pauly, is it just us, or does his "I'm really listening to you and taking this seriously" face (AKA when he was pullin' Sammi away from Ronnie or when Sammi was telling him she was leaving) look super-fake like he's about to crack up any second? Pauly, we ain't buyin what you're sellin (unless it's rosary beads... or DJ headphones.... or a blow dryer..... or sneaker cleaner)
• Ron, why you gotta break her glasses? Hate her or not, girl needs to SEE. Moron you in a minute (unintentional wordplay, we're keepin it).

Oy vay we're feeling extra dramatic tonight so allow us to get all After School Special on your asses.  Better yet, where's a good Blossom "Very Special Message" when you need one? We need Mayim Biyalik and Joey Lawrence to come on the screen to let us know about some Teen hotline we can call to erase the trauma AKA Sammi and Ronnie MeltdownGate. Seriously, tonight's Jersey Shore was the most intense of the season, maybe the entire series. Some parts were painful to watch, especially for anyone who has ever been in a toxic relationship. Although Sammi has been easily targeted as the villain for a long time, it's Ronnie who (in our opinion) deserves the lion's share of blame.  We just don't get his rationale for the bad behavior, but he seems convinced his actions are justified.  What are your thoughts????

Hold up, did PATsy just get serious on your keesters? Ew, feels weird.  That's enough for the decade.

UhYeah, one more thing, we're sick of re-capping Sammi and Ronnie Twitters but basically he's still all about Single Ron and our poor little Sammi made a comment about how much it hurt her to watch the episode. Blerg.

For more 411 (<---- did we seriously just say 411? Sorry, didn't realize it was 1998), check out our way too detailed post on the (final?) Ronnie and Sammi breakup that went down in January.

Also check out: Jersey Shore's Fringe Characters: Where Are They Now

For even more Jersey Shore stories, click here

Will Some of the Jersey Shore Cast Appear on SNL Tonight?

Seems like something may be up.  A one Mr. Vinny Guadagnino just tweeted:

But little Miss Snooki's tweets lead us to believe that she's not in that area, promoting a club appearance.

So, shall we make another prediction?  We HAVE been on a major roll lately.... We think Vinny will appear, maybe with Ronnie, perhaps even Pauly D?

We'll have to wait and see...

Update: Didn't happen.  We wouldn't be surprised if it was cut?  Here's Vin's official word on it:

Mmm hmmmm.  We see what you did there Vinny.

Jersey Shore: What Happened With Vinny and Ryder? Snooki Explains

Vinooki invites you in...

Source: Snooki's Twitter photos via Plixi

So, have we mentioned how obsessed we are with Jersey Shore Dailies?   Jersey Shore Dailies are basically mundane Jersey Shore scrap clips from the editing room floor that are barfed onto the web with some ads (that are nearly as long as the clips themselves) so MTV can squeeze every last ounce of blood from a stone. And guess what? We return each day like salivating Pavlovian dogs, pressing the refresh button in hopes for more treats.

Anyhoo, our persistence in culling these hidden treasures has finally paid off (if paying off means making no money, nobody caring and us getting fatter from inactivity).  We've finally unearthed the diamond in the rough unlocking the mysteries of the Vinny/Ryder Hook Up (AKA VinDerGate 2010).  Pauly D. provides much needed comic relief as Snooki and Vinny have an intense discussion that will leave nary a droy oye in da howse:



Did we learn anything new? Kind of.  Snooki says Ryder will be visiting the Shore house in two weeks for her birthday (so our PREDICTION that Ryder will make another appearance this season is panning out quite well, but we selfishly digress) which leads to the long-awaited exchange.  Here's what we've pieced together:

1. Sometime between Season 2 and Season 3, Vinny and Ryder hooked up IN SNOOKI'S HOUSE!
2. Vinny and Ryder were hooking up in Snooki's bed until Snooki walked in and saw "ass" and Ryder's "kuka" at which point they (VinDer) ran into the bathroom and wouldn't come out despite Snooki's questioning
3. At some point in the past, prior to VinDerGate 2010, Snooki hooked up with Vinny's cousin. We are not clear if this is the "making out" or "sex" kind of "hooking up" as these two definitions are interchangeable in Guido lexicon
4. At some point after VinDerGate 2010, Snooki, heartbroken, ran back into the arms of Vinny's cousin  
5. Points #3 and #4 make up the foundation of The Great Vinny Defense of 2010:  a loophole in the "sex with the best friend" betrayal by means of a contrived diversion.  In TGVD2010, the perp plays up to the victim's ego by feigning sadness from an unrelated incident [which is unrelated because a) the first time was before Snooks and Vin hooked up b) the second was after he did it with her best friend and c) because Vinny really couldn't care less - you can see it in his sh1t-eating grin. Amirite or amirite?].  We see what you did there Vinny. Well played. 

P.S.  How crazy was the incessant fan-screaming from the Bennys on the streets?   It's raw footage like this that pierces the veil between MTV fantasy and the zoolike reality AKA don't be fooled, these aren't just some normal kids in Seaside anymoah.   But we do have a new-found respect for the MTV editors that have skillfully masked the issue with close ups and audio trickery.  We see what you did there MTV.