Category Five Hurricane Slash Twister Melania Giudice - AKA our new favorite person
Okay, now that the housekeeping is out of the way, what is going on with Teresa? No, like really, like I'm actually getting worried in a "no I'm not" kind of way.
Does she ever hear anybody else when they talk? I mean, true, she's the only reason most people - AKA me - watch the show, but sometimes that one trick pony has got to learn a new trick.
It was a little boring this time around watching the now tired stoy line of the Giudice/Gorga/Wakile rift play out. But what was more painful was seeing Tre's (that's what Joe and I call her) hypnotizingly blank stare every time anyone with an ounce of sense tried to get through to her. It's getting creepy - like stage Bensimon red alert.
You can tell Caroline - the resident voice of reason with a new greaser hairdo - is starting to secretly hate Teresa. And Jacqueline isn't far behind. It's like Tre, get over it. Oohhhhhhhhh she tried to say hi to you at a party. Wow, what an evil person. And oh my gosh, she invited her first cousin (AKA your brother AKA move over Gia there's a new star of the show Joe Gorga) to her Christmas gathering. She is evil incarnate.
Listen girl. No sister of sweet angel "Can Do No Wrong In My Eyes" Rosie can be that bad.
But the best part came during the WWHL after show, when innocent little well-meaning Harry Potter impostor Jerry O'Connell (AKA the fat kid from Stand By Me - and some other stuff too - but this is all that matters) tried to rationally reason with Teresa about how she could be nicer to her family. Ha ha ha, poor kid really thought she'd take what he had to say to heart. Listen Jerry: Teresa eats people like you for breakfast - and she does it while she's getting Juicy Joe out of bed, fighting with Melania about who's boss and online shopping for $1 million dollar's of super classy Louis XIV inspired furniture. I think her blank stare bore a hole into his soul.
Also, I'm actually sad because Teresa is making me warm up to Melissa Gorga. And I NEVER thought that would happen. Melissa, call me, we'll make a Poshe run and then hit up Chateau to get our acrylics filled in.
Finally, a check in with Ashlee Holmes Laurita- yep, she's still wearing baggy berets on her head.