Friday, November 19, 2010

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Check You

Alright women, time to Check You.  I was a little late tuning in to this week's episode. I wanted to wait until I had a chance to really settle in and savor it.

Let's get to it:

Yeah, this is really Taylor back in the day.
Yowza. She looked like the mom
from Growing Pains!!

Taylor Armstrong:  What exactly happens when someone gets "Oklahoma" on our asses? Do you just make it really  dusty all around?  I gotta say, Taylor hasn't earned our respect or the credibility to be going around talking like she's tough. We've all seen this subservient, fake damsel around her husband enough times to know that she doesn't have a spine.  Her outburst at Kim was an obvious ploy to get some camera time because she doesn't have a story line.  We don't really care honey.  If you want us to invest in you, you're going to have to start airing out all the real dirty laundry from your marriage.  Something obviously ain't right there.  Until then, just be quiet and know your role. 

Kim Richards: Does anyone else feel protective over Kim?  I mean, yes she's (allegedly) dumb as a box of rocks, and yes her blank gaze cuts right through to your soul but her vulerability makes you feel bad for her and just want to hug  her and shield her from the realities of the adult world. 

Adrienne Maloof:  Is it just me or does Adrienne seem like she has an accent? I can't place it but I Wikipedia'd her ass (you know, the word of god) and it said her and the rest of the Maloofs are originally from New Mexico, so there goes that theory.  Other than that, Adrienne is like the boring sorority mom who all the sisters visit to spill catty fight details so she can "call it."  I know her and her husband are trying to drum up some sort of comedic marriage storyline between the two of them, but it's just falling flat.  He comes off as a dumb goon - and I don't know if that's the best reputation for a top Beverly Hills plastic surgeon.  Otherwise, she's good people. amirite?

Lisa Vanderpump: How does one not love Lisa?  I just want her to coo a lullabby in my ear as I fall asleep.  Lisa Vanderpump. Lisa Vanderpump. Lisa Vanderpump.  I can just say her name all day long.  I love the episodes when @GiggythePom makes an appearance too.  Poor little buddy was getting manhandled like a rag doll out in the backyard (with his little - matching with hubby - lavendar polo shirt).  Is that critter alive?  If you told me he was stuffed, I'd believe you in a New York minute. 

Kyle Richards: Whenever it's a Kyle segment, I try to concentrate on the scene, but all I see is her hair flowing. In slow motion. That's it.  I know there was fighting with Camille and her sister, and some sort of shopping scene, but it's all a blur.  She shouldn't waste her time doing anything on camera but putting her hair up and then slowly taking it down, and then clipping it back up. And then her husband can come and hold their little baby with his bicep flexed. Boom, a whole show right there.

Camille Grammer: Ok - I have so man (<-- typo but I'm keeping it for obvious reasons) thoughts about Camille this episode, but it's all swirling around in my head trying to get out at the same time in an incoherent mess. Let me try some bullets to break it down:
  • Her "friends" that swoon over her and tell her how "jealous" everyone is of her.  I think she pays them. Well obviously the hair and makeup folk, but the married couple, what's up with that weird relationship? I think it's all staged and Camille is really "hittin" that dude, and deep down inside, he really doesn't like her either.  He's just trying to get camera time because he wants to be an actor.
  • Camille in Kelsey's dressing room as he tries to repeatedly kick her out and she still lingers.  I felt so uncomfortable watching this scene. You know his mistress was hiding behind some curtain right before Camille ambushed him with the cameras. AWWWWKKKKKWWWWARRRRRD. It's so apparent that Kelsey can't stand his wife- brilliant move on his part convincing her to do this show so that we'd all know just how rotten she is right as he files for divorce.   Genius plan, he is a puppet master.
  • Camille reading "The Art of War." Yes Camille you are sooooo smart. Wow and you're preparing for battle like a true soldier. Brava. Brava.  Oh and yes, your vocabulary is off the charts, and when you say pernicious over and over it makes you THAT much smarter. 
  • We ALL wish we could be you, we are SOOO JEALOUS that we don't have four nannies, a house manager, bought friends, a husband who hates us, kids who have no idea who we are etc. etc. and so on.  Ok, I may be jealous of your Club MTV stint, you got me there Camille. 
 For more Housewives/Bravo commentary, check out Andy Cohen, Can We Twalk.

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