Okay, so by now you should have seen the news that Joy Behar married her boyfriend of nearly three decades. Meanwhile Sherrie Shepherd is getting married tomorrow - upstage much Joy? But that's neither here nor there.
Because there is a MUCH bigger story here. As I was reading one of the many articles reporting on Joy's nuptials, there, nonchalantly printed in plain black and white was her AGE - 68 years old!!!! This woman is 2 years away from 70??? Are you kidding me?????
My brain still can't process this. She doesn't look a day over 55 AT THE MOST. She's so vibrant and full of life. Gotta say, we're impressed Joy. And Congrats on tying the knot.
P.S. I feel ick today. I wouldn't hate you if you sent a compliment or whatever payattentionto@gmail.com
Here at Pay Attention To, or "PAT" (ambiguously sexy), we like to play around with new features, some turn into regulars and others we abandon like the hidden cupcake wrappers at the bottom of the trash screaming our shame.
Here's our first STYSK - a segment that tells you everything you need to know about the day - without having to do the rifling through the dirty interwebs yourselves:
Bling Ring cog and former E! reality person (I can't say "star," sorry I just can't) Alexis Neiers has been arrested for alleged black tar heroin possession (see full story at LATimes)
Chelsea Handler was on Jay Leno last night and had fun perpetuating unprompted f*ckery about herself and a certain half dollar rapper (see full episode at Hulu for limted time)
Senate passed a new Food Safety Bill so that our bagged spinach doesn't try to kill us anymore (see full story at FitPerez yeah I coulda sourced some realer sh1t, but maybe this -sic- could actually make people care about their health) but what about all the nasty hormones and pesticides? I guess they can stay.
Britney Spears' ex-husband Jason Alexander alleges (to Star Magazine, a periodical my mother purchases strictly for the crosswords - she swears) that Britney Spears told him her boyfriend beats her. The full story is at RadarOnline.
I don't really know the full details about this mess because I refuse to read past the sub-head, but something about Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband trying to expose some tape of her showing her privates in Cuba? Man exes getting all types of bold today. Full story at RadarOnline.
Senate Republicans tell the President they're taking their ball and going home if the Bush tax cuts don't stay (see story at Gawker).
Google is close to launching an ebook store, adding to the growing list of behemoths (a la Amazon and Apple) getting in on the book game. Do these people think Americans actually read? Read more via Consumerist.
A bunch of self importants are going social media silent in the name of a good cause (World AIDS Day). How much for them to never log on again? See PSA on YouTube.
Remember those ugly Teva sandals from the 90s? Remember how you wanted to scream in the faces of the dorks who wore them with socks? Well they're back. WITH HEELS. WTF WTF life as we know it is crumbling faster than you can say "curse of the Reefs and Birkenstocks, a new monster is born, it's multiplying, RUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN." More at the Daily What.
Here's a bonus, "Daily Throwback." Remember when Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck had it out on The View in 07? (AKA the sh1t I live for) well I just spent all morning on YouTube rewatching Alicia Silverstone snub Elisabeth later on in that episode. Never gets old.
Ladies of "The View" - The Cold War Continues Is it just me or does someting gotta give here? My prediction is that sometime in 2011 either Whoopi will leave or Barbara will retire.
Sockington: Twitter's Garfield Universal truths: 1) animals behaving like humans is never not funny 2) Married With Children is always on TV (#2 has nothing to do with the post, but amirite???? it's 5:50 in the morning, I flipped on the TV to test my theory AND IT'S ON RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!)
Funny Sign I think I'm turning into an ironic hipster
Pretentious has no age limits smug children are on the rise and there is no known cure. Well, there is one known cure: a reasonable rational society. <laughs> so really, no cure.
Remember: When Life Gives You DoucheBags, Clean Your Junk
I am a religious "viewer" of The View - it's like the highlight of my day. Not because I particularly like any of the ladies, (though I do agree with one or two of them on the reg). The main reason I love the show is because you never know when baby Jesus will descend from the heavens and hand over a certified loonza toonza miracle moment. Now it used to be that these moments happened maybe once a month. But these days, it's like once, sometimes twice a week. Basically whenever Barbara decides to show up.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with today's gem.
(For the impatient, skip to :28). In a shell nut, Barbara and Whoopi go at it as Whoopi tries to obey production instructions (via ear chip) to cut to break. Barbara snaps at Whoop that she wants to finish her thought. Now, you can't tell what happens next but it appear that Whoopi may have rolled her eyes at Barbara before telling her she needs to cut to break. Then Barbara (don't let the victim act fool you!!!!), passive aggressively chastises Whoopi and proceeds with her part.
I'm so sad because the clip doesn't show the last few seconds. Because that's when the lord baby Jesus plucked a cherry and stuck it on top for me to gorge upon. Elisabeth (mind you, who has been uncharacteristically quiet the entire episode - I presume because of my theory *see #3 below*) subtly speaks to Whoopi with her eyes. It's not immediately apparent to the untrained rookie (good thing you have the benefit of my intuitive guidance) but they have a "damn, this bitch is crazy" moment among themseleves. I live for this shit - don't we all? No? Just me? Be right back, I'm being summoned for my intervention.
Some background for people who actually don't watch The View (do they still make you??):
Barbara Walters' overbearing ways, crotchity attitude and condescending behavior have reached all new highs (in fact, the show is much easier/less tense to watch on days Barbara isn't there and you can tell all the other ladies feel the same way).
Everyday it becomse more clear that Whoopi does not like Barbara. She used to keep her cool - but she grew a pair lately and has been lashing out in small but deliberate acts (that she'll usually back-pedal on a minute later).
Though nobody likes Elisabeth (okay well I don't) Barbara condescends her more often than anyone else. To the watchful eye, it seems apparent that Elisabeth has had a recent "talking to" because she has toned down her "steamrolling others" and Beck/Palin/Fox mumbo jumbo.
By the way, this is what my face looked like when this shit was going down:
