Bethenny Frankel and Jason Hoppy SUPPOSEDLY DIVORCING? Some Thoughts...

IMAGE SOURCE: Bethenny Frankel's Twitter (@bethenny)

You guys, I know the news that Bethenny and Jason are on the verge of a split has been like EVERYWHERE the past, like, 30 hours or so. But you know what? Something just isn't adding up for me.

Here's are some of the facts that lead me to believe that a) Bethenny is a shrewd business woman (duh) and reality television EXPERT and b) these two are not getting divorced in the near term:

a) Bethenny realized the successful formula for reality television long ago - like in the first season of Real Housewives of New York. What was the secret? Portraying some sort of a struggle, establishing an underdog status and airing a bunch of relationship drama out there. Remember folks, she had another boyfriend named Jason before Mr. Hoppy and turbulence between them was prominently portrayed on RHONY early seasons.

b) Bethenny has a new test market talk show sneak peek airing on a few Fox affiliates next month, and she really, really, really needs it to perform.

c) Now, a couple of months ago, rumors were swirling that Bethenny would NOT get her own talk show because it wasn't testing well. Women were SUPPOSEDLY having a hard time relating and Bethenny SUPPOSEDLY had to retain the services of a speech therapist or talking coach or whatever so that she could SLOW DOWN how fast she talks. So..... somehow she ended up getting some sort of weak sauce 6 week commitment. You know she's super freaked about keeping ratings high to get a FULL ORDER talk show. I mean, wouldn't you be?

d) Bethenny's reality show on Bravo is bowing next week for the season, and perhaps forever?All guesses are pointing to a reality TV swan song since BF is like WAY TOO BIG for that noise anymore. How will she ever keep the hype and interest going so that people will actually tune in to the talk show and her ratings will impress?

e) My guess would be - PLANT A STORY in STAR Magazine that the Frankel Hoppy marriage is in trouble - that'll keep tongues wagging.

....Aaaaaaaaand here's exhibit A-E from Bethenny's Twitter today when a fan (or "fan") asked her if the divorce rumors were true:

Boom!!! See what she did there? Of course you do, I just laid it all out for you like a CHEMISTRY PROOF. It's science!

Once again, you're welcome. I'll be in my lair if you need me.

CSI's Awesome Writers Remind Us There's Only One Designer Who Matters: Gordon Gartrell

Slow clap of the week goes to the CSI: Crime Scene Investigation writer(s)

Let me set the scene, I'm visiting my grandma in Tampa (yes TAMPA!!!!!!!!), where I like to take long naps because, it's TAMPA! So, I walk into the living room around noon (after my mid-morning pre-lunch nap) and she's' watching CSI. I give the obligatory eyeroll at the CBS blue hair stereotype that my grandmother has become and stand there for a bit in my post nap haze, trying to re-combobulate.

Something is going on in the story where there's some chick (who I remember from my old Days of Our Lives watching phase - she used to be swamp girl) that's suspected of using dudes for engagement rings or something. The CSI peeps go into a jewelry store to do some investigatin' - mind you at this point I'm starting to tune it out as I begin to create a lunch menu in my mind of all the junk food I allow myself to eat ONLY WHEN I'M IN TAMPA. As I turn around towards the kitchen to ransack my grandmother's cupboards, a sentence muttered on the moving picture box hits me on the back of the head like a Denny's biscuit in the middle of a post-nightclub feeding frenzy turned brawl over something someone said about someone's girlfriend's hair.

The jeweler in the show says of one of the engagement rings: "It was a Gordon Gartrell original."

Immediately, I am transported back into my fetus self in the living room of our old family home watching the greatest episode of the greatest sitcom of all time - The Cosby Show Gordon Gartrell shirt episode! Nothing in life or TV or movies ever got better than this episode. Cause....Gordon Gartrell!!!!!

To the genius CSI writer who incorporated the name of the most glamorous fictional designer of all time into a show I thought I was too hip for, I say BRAVO. Thank you for the glorious easter egg - maybe I'll start watching the show... but only if you make the dude or woman who thought of this head writer IMMEDIATELY!

You Guys, Remember Neneh Cherry?

Timeless jam

In Case You Missed The 2012 Puppy Bowl - Here Are The Highlights!

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

You're welcome!

Just In Case You Were Wondering If Jersey Shore's Ronnie and Sammi Were Still Together

They are NOT. This according to Snooki and JWOWW on The Wendy Williams Show today. I mean, I think they haven't been together for months now. But, you know - if you needed more confirmation, now you got it.

Ronnie, what do you think? Ronnie? Where'd he go????????
Oh, here he is...

k, bye!

Jersey Shore Judgements: The Emancipation of Snooki......'s Bladder

These are raw, unedited judgements I wrote down in sequence as I watched the show - Season 5 Episode 5:  

• How can we get Deena to stop "merp"ing? (My dog stops yelping if I give him cheese, so there's that)
• Is Mayor Roger doing the "dip" on JWOWW again?
• This was all of our faces when The Situation dropped the loyalty and betrayal tattoo bomb right?

• I feel the sads when I see the gang at Karma this time around.  I think it's because they didn't cut to a :05 shot of Sammi brawling on the floor.
• Why is Snooki calling a hooker's bath a "Shore shower?" Oh, never mind. 
• You know what?  I think we're all one of two things after the club:  a Deena eating Hot Pockets or a Vinny doing Push Ups.  Which on are you? I'm a Hot Pocket.
• After four seasons of Ronnie and Sammi drama, I have Stockholm syndrome.  So now I feel betrayed that they are glossing over these two - ON PURPOSE
• Why is Snooki sleeping in her shoes?  
• What's the picture below, you ask? Oh, just Snooki being Snooki (AKA throwing away her drawers because she pee'd herself in the club the night before. AND THEN SHE SLEPT IN THEM ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEFORE THROWING THEM AWAY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

• It's a little sad when Deena's only running story line is "hair problems" 
• Miikee?  Mike? Miiiiiiiiiiiiike? What are you up to? What are you up to?
• Ohhhhhhh, so "Janx" is "Jenkinson's?" Mystery solved.
• Mike: "I'm actually like a native to this area." How far is Janx from the Shore?  Is this like a Scooby Doo alternate universe to the gang?
• Snooki has fully transformed into the family pet - piddling on the deck outside.  Bad Snooki! bad!

• Serious question: Why were the scrambling Situation's pubic area when he was wearing shorts?
• Never mind, thank you JWOWW for solving the mystery.  Follow up question - why were Snooki and Deena acting all normal while Mike's "situation" was hanging out of his shorts?
• Hold up, wait a minute - what is this country cottage, shabby chic, Laura Ashley sitting area Mike and Snooki just landed in? Is this part  of the Scooby Doo alternate universe at the house?

• Why are all those sneakers always lined up in rows in the living room?
• What the?

• Ok, so Snooki ACTUALLY IS the family pet now - not just metaphorically speaking.  Interesting. Did Kafka write this episode?

• How excited is Mike to tell JWOWW he saw Mayor Roger? He loves being an information trafficker.  
• What was that weird gyrating dance Mike was doing at the end when he was talking to Unit?  Hmmmmmmmm.

• Wait, how is it that Mike loves Snooki and they're BFF and all of a sudden he says she's the ringleader against him?  Oh, I think I know - MTV Production had a chat with him.  I see what you did there MTV.
• In conclusion, who saw Snooki and JWOWW on BravoAndy Cohen's Watch What Happens Live?  Was JWOWW's face even more plasticized?  It wasn't moving right or something.  But I really want to like her - she's pretty, she just needs to stop messing with what she got, ya heard?

Kathy Griffin Calls Out Madonna For Stealing Her "Look"

Seems like everyone's slamming Madonna for one reason or another these days!

Oy Vay It's Jersey Shore Jersday!

That's all for now, k bye.

The Best Part Of "Are You There, Chelsea?" - Lauren Lapkus

Lauren Lapkus in NBC's "Are You There, Chelsea?"

Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking... an actual article about "Are You There, Chelsea?" that ISN'T bashing the freshman sitcom? 

Well, sure the show has it's, um, issues like Laura Prepon's (whom I liked in That 70s Show) inability to deliver lines without an invisible mouth full of marbles... (which, in her defense, is getting better every week)  but that's not the point, there's a GAJILLIION of THOSE articles you can look up anywhere.  The point here is to let you know that I - a self-identified sitcom-phile actually halfway LIKE the show - for one reason and one reason alone: Lauren Lapkus (well okay, maybe 1.5 reasons - Natasha Legerro's character is also shaping up to be pretty interesting).  

Who is Lauren you ask?  Lauren is a 20-something actress and comedienne who cut her comedy teeth in the improv world. In the show, she plays Dee Dee, the lovable, prudish roommate of Chelsea and some other chick.  Lauren's unique appearance and wacky humor make her a true stand out in today's cookie cutter Hollywood.  
Kudos to the AYTC team for featuring DeeDee more in each subsequent episode.  Maybe they realize who the real star is - kind of like they did with Sheldon in "The Big Bang Theory."  Here's an idea, can we just give Dee Dee her own spin off now? 

Regardless of the fate of the show, I'm betting that Lauren has a bright future ahead.   

Here's Lauren doing a comedic improv skit several years ago.  

Cleaning With Natural Ingredients Is No Longer Too Hippie For The Masses

Look, I've never been a crunchy, "granola" type of gal.  But the realities of today's world are too loud to ignore.  We're bombarded with chemicals on a daily basis - sometimes by choice, sometimes as a byproduct of living in a city - and the effects on human health are a major concern to me.  While I am not a scientist or medical expert, I have done a lot of research on the topic and have drawn my own conclusions.  I encourage everyone to do the same - because the problem will likely only get bigger over time.  

On that note, I used to have at least 20 different specialized cleaners for my home - from surface and wood cleaners to cookware and silver cleaners to toilet bowl cleaners and beyond!  The amounts and types of chemicals in these cleaners are many times hidden from consumers for proprietary reasons.   

 But there's good news, natural household items we already have in the home can double as cleaning agents.  These include: 

• baking soda, 
• vinegar, 
• lemons, 
• essential oils, 
• vodka (a natural disinfectant),
• olive oil

Various mixtures can be concocted depending on the task at hand. Why not begin experimenting to see what suits your needs best?  If it seems a bit too confusing, do some simple online research for ratios of ingredients depending on the type of cleaning.  

An added benefit  is that it also saves money and clears shelf space!  Good luck and more tips welcome!

Happy cleaning!